On Thursday morning, a whale washed onto the shore of Atlantic City, N.J. I don’t know if you’ve ever been there, but just like any beach known for partying, there tend to be some whales on the shore, hungover and motionless, every morning. I find myself thankful for them–bless the hearts of the poor girls who can’t find someone nearby who looks worse than they do in a swimsuit.
This, however, was not the fat bridesmaid who overdid it at her cousin’s bachelorette party in AC. It was a whale, as in an actual whale. Like Moby Dick, Willy, or Shamu. I always wonder how sea creatures find themselves nearing the coastline and don’t think, “If I keep going, I am going to die. Mom was right.” Land is a dangerous place, but it seems to happen fairly regularly. I imagine that if I ever found a giant ocean mammal on land, after taking a few selfies with it and uploading them to Instagram, I’d probably call the police…or animal control…or my mom to ask what she thought I should do, and then hopefully get that bad boy back in the water.
Some members of Tau Epsilon Phi (presumably–this is unconfirmed) thought this was a good opportunity to show how truly diverse TEP can be, as they rushed their first ever non-human, non-living member. They spray painted their letters, along with the number 94, onto the dead animal. Many people are calling this a “reprehensible act” and police are conducting investigations, asking that anyone with information call the NOAA Fisheries office in Marmora at 609-390-8303, but I say the fraternity was just trying to be inclusive.
Ah, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Life’s a beach.
[via Press of Atlantic City]
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at [email protected]
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