I think Kate Middleton is kind of the worst. Like, okay, she’s really pretty, and has great hair, and she’s a princess, but I don’t know, as far as idols go, she’s kind of lame. Her wardrobe is just so J. Crew, and to clarify, I do mean that as an insult, and she spent so much time literally just waiting around for her boyfriend to propose that they nicknamed her for it. Granted he was a prince, but during that time, she could have been doing jello shots, and making out with strangers, but instead she was playing all her cards just so, in hopes of becoming royalty. It just sends the totally wrong message. You have to be this prim and proper, and totally boring person in order to get married — or at least in order to get married to a prince.

And then Sofia Hellqvist (pronounced ???) comes in and shakes shit up. This weekend Sofia married Prince Carl Philip of Sweden, making her Princess Sofia of Sweden, Duchess of Värmland, which as Cosmo points out, pretty much makes her the Swedish Kate.

Except that she’s the anti-Kate.

Before getting wifed up by Prince Carl Philip, she had quite the wild past. She spent her pre-royal life doing what we all do — getting photographed topless in men’s magazines, starring on reality TV shows for which she lived with a different male castmate every week, and making out with porn star Jenna Jameson. She met her hubby at a nightclub in Stockholm, while she was just a mere waitress. Naturally, the Swedish royal family didn’t approve of the tatted up princess, because she wasn’t “suitable,” but Prince Carl Philip literally refused to come to royal events and public appearances if they didn’t let him date her.

Needless to say, they warmed up.

A photo posted by Sofia Hellqvist (@duchessofvarmland) on Jun 13, 2015 at 1:35pm PDT

And now she’s married. To a prince. A prince who’s way hotter than receding-hairline William. I think there’s an important lesson to be learned here: There is no special formula for “how to attract a man.” The right guy will love you no matter what. So live for you. Do what the fuck you want. And if that’s waiting around in “practical heels” and cardigans and douchey hats, do it. And if that’s making out with strangers and being topless every chance you get, do that too. Just live your life with no regrets. And be hot. Being hot helps..

[via Cosmo]

Image via Ismagilov / Shutterstock.com

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Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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