“Oh, don’t be ridiculous, Andrea. Everybody wants this. Everybody wants to be us.” That’s been my Greek life motto pretty much since forever. No matter how pretentious and obnoxious it sounds, I tend to think it’s true. You know why so many people hate on Greeks? Jealousy. “Whatever, man. Looks totally lame. I don’t even like pastels. I don’t want to pay for my friends anyway. I definitely don’t need a frat. Definitely not.”
We know, though, that under that tough exterior, a lot–not all, but a lot–of geeds are just writhing with jealousy. Frat guys have all the parties. They get all the babes. And honestly, there’s just something about exclusivity that makes you want to be a part of it. You always want what you can’t have. It’s a sick, sick part of human nature.
And so a group of guys at Fitchburg State made their own fraternity. “Oh, they decided to found a new chapter at their school?” you might be wondering. No, no. They invented an entire new fraternity called “Leppy Pi,” named because its “leader,” Aaron Koepper, apparently looks like a leprechaun.
“We don’t strive for excellence, hold initiation ceremonies, or anything like that. We have a good time and keep positivity,” members said of their organization. That’s a good business model: “Don’t strive for excellence. Mediocrity is good enough!”
The fraternity was “founded” by a group of friends who’ve known each other for three years, and just decided to name themselves one day. It kind of reminds me of being a kid. Like, remember in elementary school when, during recess, you’d make little clubs with your friends and have a few silly questions that you’d ask people as they applied for membership?
Playground Bad Bitch 1: “What is your favorite fruit?”
Applicant: “Umm. Watermelon?”
Playground Bad Bitch 2: “Oh my God, Jessica. I know that the right answer is actually ‘strawberry,’ but watermelon is a really good one. And besides, I kind of think that Ally would be a good addition to Mrs. Johnson’s Class Sparkle Girls, anyway. She also has an AWESOME set of Lisa Frank stickers that her mom just bought her. I say we let her in.”
And BOOM. Ally’s part of Mrs. Johnson’s Class Sparkle Girls, which will later combine with Mrs. Hunt’s Class Sparkle Girls. But in this fraternity, you don’t even need to tell the guys your favorite fruit to get in, and you don’t have to flash them your Lisa Frank stickers. All you have to do is befriend the guys, and you’re in!
Once you’re a member, you’ll get into all kinds of shenanigans. If you do something really “unforgivable and greasy,” your photo will end up on the wall with a slew of other fake mugshots. Like this one time, some guys got on the wall because of “The Great Demolishing”–three dudes had locked themselves out of their own bedrooms and they kicked the doors down. What a hoot!
Look, guys. I’m not saying you can’t be friends, feel like you’re having just as much fun, and make just as many memories as Greeks. I’m sure you are. But calling it a fraternity? Why? Why name yourselves? Why name yourselves LEPPY PI of all things? Just be a bunch of unnamed dudes having fun. Sheesh..
Nice Move192
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
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