At this point in my life, the idea of being pregnant is a literal nightmare. Between a drastic weight gain, swollen feet, and morning sickness, I can’t imagine voluntarily placing myself in that position. This is especially true because pregnant women also have to take a nine-month hiatus from drinking, followed by an 18-year hiatus from freedom.
The Chengdu Giant Panda Breeding Research Center in China recently had to cancel a broadcast featuring a live birth from its token knocked up panda, a 6-year-old named Ai Hin, because someone discovered the tricky bitch wasn’t actually pregnant.
When a human fakes a pregnancy, she’ll wind up on “Dr. Phil” to exploit her family and basically bring shame to our entire nation. When a panda fakes a pregnancy, she reaps the benefits of a private, air-conditioned room, top notch panda chow, and round the clock care from the staff. In short, this panda is a fucking genius.
Panda cubs are too tiny to be seen via ultrasound, so the staff had no way of realizing that instead of being pregnant, the panda is actually just kind of a fat ass. Ai Hin probably realized how friggin’ adorable she is, which ensured that the staff couldn’t actually get mad at her when they all discovered she was a serial binge-eater. Despite the fact that she’s a total attention whore, she got off scot-free. Well played, Ai Hin. Well played.
Image via IFLScience-
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Lucky Jo
Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to lucyjmulvihill@gmail.com.
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