To be honest, I don’t really give a shit about sports. While I don’t consider myself a typical sorority girl, that is one stereotype that will always hold true. I just don’t have the attention span to watch a bunch of sweaty men fight over a ball for two hours, and I hate it when guys repeatedly give sports precedence over sex, or attention-giving, or any activity I actually care about.

You know what I do care about? Pizza. Who doesn’t? Pizza is the one thing God sent to earth via Italy to unite the world through one common interest. Whether you’re man or woman, adult or child, skinny or fat: everybody likes pizza.

But you know who loves pizza? This chick.

That form. That headbob. The double-fisting. I love it all, and to be completely honest, I may have just grew a dick and boned. I’m not sure if it was because of the pizza or the beautiful individual shoving it at record speed down her esophagus, but either way, I’m aroused.

This woman is all of us, and the fact that she managed to steal the limelight from the overexcited couple down south gives me life. She is the hero we need, but not the hero we deserve. It is my new life mission to find her, befriend her, and place a bid directly into her hand… if it’s not already death gripping a slice of the good stuff. .

Nice Move244

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Lucky Jo

Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to lucyjmulvihill@gmail.com.

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