Girl Live Tweets Horrifying Sushi Date With Douchiest Man On Earth

Girl Live Tweets Horrifying Sushi Date With Douchiest Man On Earth

This story needs no introduction. A girl named Kelly had the pleasure of sitting next to the world’s biggest douchebag at a sushi restaurant while he was on the world’s most insufferable date. She did us the honor of live tweeting it. Enjoy.

Subtext: I can’t read.

Uh-oh, you guys. He’s going to call his dad. His dad owns a dealership.

Hahah, I get it, like read the menu.

Not a wine guy? Buzz off.

“They only hear what they want to hear.” –Sixth Sense, adapted.

I’m literally just going to start going to restaurants and order whatever I want until they have it.

You guys, he literally can’t read.

What good are you if you don’t repeat it. WE AREN’T THERE, KELLY.

White girls have been claiming sushi as their own since the dawn of time.

“Look at me when I’m condescending you.”

Perhaps he should have gone somewhere he’s been before for his first date?

Oh, okay. Well that explains it then. She’s woke up from a coma dating him, and he’s convinced her this is normal.

Not a stellar pick for her sidepiece.

I bet you do.

Did they not teach him about edamame in San Fran?

He doesn’t know what it is. He didn’t read the menu.

You just put your face into the plate, and hope when you pick it back up, someone different is sitting in front of you.

Put your face in the plate, lady.

Does he permit her to use chopsticks?

He only wants one. Surely you could muster it up.

San Francisco, with the most authentic Japanese cuisine, has a much more elaborate menu, you see.

Again with his powerful words.


Kelly, you just did God’s work.

Image via Shutterstock

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Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at

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