Being a girl is hard. We’re beautiful, but sometimes we need a little help bringing that beauty out. Beauty is pain, beauty is time-consuming, and beauty is expensive. You’re talking to a VIB Rouge member here (sorry, Dad). Falling under all three beauty catch-22’s (time consuming, expensive, and painful) are our nails.
A fresh mani can make you feel on top of the world, and it’s crazy how some messed up nails can impact the way you feel about yourself. If they’re “full on chipped, so trailer park,” you’re probably not operating at your full Elle Woods potential, or you are, and you don’t have time to do your nails. Chipping your manicure sucks more than a half hour blow job (come on dude, my jaw hurts), and many of us have gotten into the car right after a trip to the salon, smudged our manicure, and done our own slow-motion “NOOOOOOOOooooooooooo” as we mourn our formerly flawless nails.
This struggle has led many women, myself included, to take the plunge and go for acrylic nails. And baby, there is nothing like a fresh set of claws to make you feel like a dangerous lady. They’re expensive, high maintenance, and hella celebrities have them. I love them, but eventually, they must come off, and every woman who has ever had acrylics removed knows how disgusting and terrifying it feels having the nail tech casually removing them as you try not to gag in horror of the feeling of your fingernails being slowly pulled off. I hate it. So. Much.
Once those fake nails are off, your natural nails are long, but flimsy and worthless, and so tempting to pick at. If you’re anything like me, and one of your oh so charming nervous habits is that you destroy your nails when stressed, you need some kind of shit on your nails. They will finally grow out long and beautiful, but one stressful day happens and they’re short as shit again. What do you do? Well, you get more fucking acrylics and start the cycle all over again. Fuck.
There is an alternative, and bear with me on this because I swear I’m (sort of) an adult and not a twelve-year-old: press-on nails. I know, I know, it sounds trashy and stupid. But…it works. And they’re now among my holy grail beauty products. For all my nail biters or pickers, this one’s for you.
It only takes maybe a month for your nails to grow out, maybe two, depending on how bad you fucked them up in your fit of anxiety. Press-ons last about a week, give or take, and you can usually get two sets out of one box. The one I picked comes with 24 nails, so I can even fuck up a few of them and still be ok. They’re also cheap af, usually around $10 or less, and look about the same as acrylics. Yeah, if someone is staring at your nails really close up, they’ll be able to tell the difference, but they need to back the fuck up anyway and get out of your face.
The best part? You just peel them off, maybe use a little nail polish remover if you applied them super well, and bam. Underneath, your nails are still really healthy, and now they’re a bit longer. I tried this method for a month after I picked the life out of my nails in a post-graduation fit of the mean reds, and now, they’re looking pretty dope. Obviously, your finger actions are limited, just like with acrylics, and these aren’t as securely attached to your finger, but if one of these does come off, it doesn’t take your actual fingernail with it.
To assuage any fears, here’s a list of shit I’ve done in the past week without my nails falling off:
- Opened several cans of soda.
- Inserted and removed my contacts (but it was freaky the first couple of times, for the record).
- Washed and deep conditioned my hair.
- Successfully peed while wearing a romper.
- Typed this article.
- Aggressively scratched a dog’s belly.
- Gone to a kickboxing class.
- Applied makeup with a sponge and not stabbed myself in the face.
- Put on skinny jeans.
- Turned my iPhone on silent.
- Typed “like a hoe,” Khloé Kardashian was right.
- Gave a hand job (JK I don’t do those, but I truly believe it would work)
So yeah, while press-on nails are kind of “over,” they’re still really helpful for us otherwise perfect girls who have the occasional bad habit. Anything that boosts your confidence is worth a shot, amirite?.
Image via Shutterstock
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