You may have noticed that fraternity men pride themselves on their lack of fuck-giving and how they’re TFTC about everything. Examples: I woke up naked on the president’s lawn covered in my own vomit. TFTC. I have a small penis but by the time you find out it’s too late. TFTC. I accidentally on purpose haven’t showed up to another chapter’s philanthropy event since pledging. TFTC. Largely, I’d say they are, in fact, too frat to care and give approximately zero fucks when you round up. But what I’m really unsure of is WHY this trend has wriggled its way into the female vernacular. Too SRAT to care does not exist. Do we really have to try to do EVERYTHING they do? Women’s suffrage, equal work for equal pay, that dumb (but incredibly beautiful and funny) bitch who keeps writing TSM columns, and now THIS! Men and women are different, and any girl who thinks otherwise can enjoy opening her own doors, buying her own drinks, and developing a deep, loving affection for cats, because she’s going to end up with a lot of them.
You are not “too srat” to care…about anything. Hello! How long does it take you to get ready before you leave the house? If your answer is anything less than 30 minutes, march yourself back to your room and don’t come out until you look decent. There’s a rumor going around that you’re as easy to get into as a bottom-tier sorority? Tell me you don’t care. I dare you. You watched the Royal Wedding and the Bachelorette, and tweeted about both events excessively, because for some reason these events MATTER to you. Being in a sorority means that not only do you care, but you care a whole fucking lot. Probably too much. I drive myself insane paying attention to the smallest details that don’t actually matter. Whether it’s crafting something fabulous for my fabulous little, and wanting it to be just perfect, or picking out the perfect nail polish that is neither clashy, nor is it too matchy matchy with what I’m wearing that night, or how to phrase the most perfectly condescending yet seemingly sweet dig at your competition: “Girlfriend, where do you get your hair done? I can hardly tell that isn’t your natural color! Love it!” We literally give so many fucks about everything, and I see nothing wrong with this. If you didn’t ask your gay bestie for tips in the bedroom, you wouldn’t be a superstar in the sack. If you didn’t switch phones with your roommate at night, you might make the rookie mistake of texting him first. If you didn’t pay special attention to all of your momma’s secret recipes, your cooking might very well suck. Essentially, if you didn’t put in the time and effort to be perfect, you wouldn’t be. If you really do have the “fuck it” attitude that the boys wear so well, then kudos. I’m totally jealous. Kidding. I’d rather be glamorous and over-think everything and let the lesbians and spinsters be plain and have nothing to over-think.
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
@VeronicaRuckh
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