Growing up is hard. What’s even harder is being able to tell if you are in fact, “grown up.” More often than not, the answer is no, you aren’t a grown-up and should not be contributing to society on a daily basis, but how can anyone be so sure?
There is one way to be sure, and that is your weekly trip to the grocery store. I realized I was not an adult when my parents went out of town and I was forced to cook for myself. I went to the grocery store, bought sixteen pizza Lunchables and called it a day.
Take a look in your cart. What you buy at the grocery store isn’t just your drunken and emotional overeating snacks, but your cart can be a shiny crystal ball into the unknown we call adulthood.
Coffee grounds – Adult
You understand that coffee is necessary to survival, but going to Starbs every day can be draining on the ol’ wallet. So buy your own, make your own. You’re saving money and not doing (hard) drugs to keep you awake on the job.
Frozen Meals – Not adult
You’re trying to grow up and cook for yourself, but you’re still too lazy to gather all the ingredients it takes to make a meal. Instead, you take the cheap way out and buy a premade frozen meal. Stick it in the oven and 20 minutes later you’re good to go, which is also the motto for your sex life.
Raw Meat – Adult
You aren’t taking the easy way out with this one. You actually have to prepare raw meat if you want to eat it (although debatable, depending on your standards). You have to be an adult to buy raw meat because if you buy it, you must know what to do with it once it’s actually in your refrigerator.
Macaroni and Cheese – Not adult
You don’t even buy the regular box where you have to boil the water, you buy the individual cups, where all you have to do is stick it in the microwave and three minutes later you have your favorite side dish. And obviously you buy the Spongebob macaroni. It just tastes better. It’s scientifically proven, and you argue anyone who tries to tell you otherwise. If only you could be as passionate about politics as you are your Spongebob mac and cheese.
Seasonings – Adult
If you know what the heck Paprika is, you’re a freakin’ adult. Does anyone actually know what that is? Please tell me.
Lunchables – Not adult
As mentioned above, Lunchables. Are. The. Bomb. I don’t care who you are, where you were raised, or how old you are, you cannot resist a good Lunchable. Pizza, nachos, turkey and cheese, juice boxes. Throw in a little baby crunch bar and you are in heaven. It’s already made for you and it’s all your favorite food. But if you binge eat Lunchables (like myself) you are not an adult.
As you get older, you are forced to start learning how to cook for yourself, so use it as a gauge to tell how adult you are. If you are trying to be more mature, for the love of God stay away from the Kool-Aid Jammers — Capri Sun is better anyways. .
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