Despite having won the Super Bowl and the hearts of nearly every woman in America (the world?), Rob “Gronk” Gronkowski confirmed this week that he does not have a girlfriend. Praise Mary and Joseph, there is a god after all! Well, a god with a sense of humor. Because you know what Gronk is NOT looking for in his future mate/fuck buddy/baby mama (which, for the record, I would be fine being any one of the three)? A crazy.
I know, I know. I’m disappointed, too.
Sometimes chicks are crazy…I don't got a girlfriend
— Rob Gronkowski (@RobGronkowski) February 26, 2015
I don’t really know what sparked this tweet, but I’m really happy he sent it. Because you know what? Now we know where we stand. We need to hide our pills and dump our boyfriends and then maybe — justttttt maybe — we’ll stand a chance with Gronk. Basically, he just sent out a PSA to women everywhere being like, “For the record, ladies, my penis is totally unclaimed. Additionally, I would prefer a woman who was not a Goddamn sociopath.” Except, you know, he didn’t word it that well because Gronk is kind of a moron.
While I’m pretty certain my chances with Gronk are essentially zero (I can’t even get a normal, non-famous man to commit to me) I’m still holding out hope for you guys. All you have to do to get him to be your boyfriend is to pretend to be normal. LOL. Who am I kidding? Be normal? None of you stand a chance. Looks like Gronk will inevitably marry outside of the Greek community…which really is a damn shame. I would’ve loved to have seen a video of him trying to learn the Greek alphabet. .
[via Sporting News]
Image via lev radin / Shutterstock