Every dude likes to act like girls are crazy. And maybe we are. I’ve certainly had my go at insanity a time or two — but most of my “crazy,” could really boil down to a drunken misunderstanding coupled with rage after a guy royally screwed me over. There are some actual certified psychos out there. And these guys would like to tell you about them.
I caught an ex-girlfriend going through my text messages. Like my phone was in her hands. And when I asked her what she was doing, she told me nothing and tried to act like she had never even touched my phone. Days after, she then brought up a text conversation I had with a platonic girl friend in an argument, so I washed my hands of her.
-Will deFries
A very recent ex found out I was hanging out with some other girl and called my phone maybe 20 to 30 times in a row before I had to turn it off. Then she started calling my friend who she knew I was with. That was not a good break up. Good riddance.
-Rob Fox
Shit, I don’t even know. I’ve had my car keyed. I’ve woken up to being whacked in the head with a bowling pin at 4am, which I have no idea where she even got. I’ve woken up in my house, which was locked, to a girl sleeping on the floor next to my bed. Those are all up there. I’ve suppressed everything else.
-Ross Bolen
Lied to me about a girl I was interested in finding me creepy so that she could step in. I only know this because said girl who found me creepy asked me a year later why I all the sudden stopped talking to her.
-Jake Goldman
She rammed my parked car when she was angry at me as I was sitting shotgun in her car. I continued seeing her for a few more months.
-Dan Regester
This is the “most psycho thing a girl has done to me that I’m comfortable sharing on the internet.” I had only known this girl for a week and we’d gotten as far as a dance floor makeout, but she showed up uninvited at my fraternity during parent’s weekend. She went door to door in the house looking for me, but I was preoccupied entertaining my parents and had no idea she was there. At the end of the night, I found her in my bedroom drunk as hell and crying hysterically. Her friend started screaming at me and called me an asshole for ignoring her all night. She insisted that I let her spend the night to make it up to her. I’d seen enough risk management seminars to fear the consequences of an emotionally unstable, blacked out girl I barely know sleeping in my bed, so I kicked her out.
-Matt Felser
This girl who was obsessed with me (and my Hawaiian shirts) followed me in her car. I purposely evaded her and went away from my house and she kept following me. Accidentally entered a cul de sac and was cornered.
-Bluto
This one girl thought I was cheating on her when she saw a picture of some girl holding my dog on Instagram. The girl was the cousin of the friend who was watching my dog and brought her along. She found the pic by tracking down this girl’s private Instagram. Then demanded she go through my phone, to which I said no. She tried to guess my passlock code on my iPhone while I was sleeping and failed which locked my phone and erased all my data.
-Harrison Lee
My friend refused to bang this girl one night despite her desperate pleas. He left to his room and went to sleep. She went to his bathroom and sprayed/rubbed shaving cream all over the counters, floors, mirror and toilet, then she left (and then fucked an underclassman in our fraternity)
-Anonymous
I was an intern and was hooking up with my mentor who was 10 years older than me. She then got to go on an exchange to the office in Italy for 2 years. She said she would wait for me while I finished school. She also offered to pay for my flights to go see her during the school year until I graduated. Then said we would “figure it out” once she got back.
-Anonymous
Girl i was friends with but not that into invites me on date function. I agree. At my school, girls would do “bucketing” which means prior to the date function they come to your house during dinner, and give all the guys attending some snacks and a bottle of booze usually. The girl gave me a mixed CD cause we liked the same kind of music, but it was full of lovey dove kinds of songs. We had never hooked up before. Red Flag #1
I get drunk on date function, have a good time but it’s winding down. She moves into make out with me and I shut her down. She looks at me in the eyes and says “I spent $50 on your bucket.” So I take her home
Turns out she was a virgin. We bang and she bleeds all over my sheets and leaves. Literally looks like a murder scene. I cut off contact and two days later she comes home with my roommate and lets him stick it in her butt.
-Anonymous
What have we learned from all this? Well, some guys don’t understand the definition of the word “crazy.” Oh, some girl looked through your phone? Big fucking deal. Every girl does that, most of them are just smart enough not to get caught. She called you a bunch of times in a row when she was drunk? You know how to stop that? Answer the damn call. But for some others — well, this puts things into perspective and makes me think that maybe I’m not so bad after all..
Nice Move1000
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
@VeronicaRuckh
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