Hackers Can Now Take Over Your Vibrator

A few months ago, there was a giant hack on my university’s security system (#subtweet #UCF) and my social security number got stolen as well as God knows what. It was annoying and shitty and somewhat scary. Who are these people and why are they hacking into my effing life?

I thought that was bad. My identity being stolen and all, but now? The hackers are taking something worse. Something more import. Something more personal. They’re taking my orgasms. They’re taking all of our orgasms. According to Reuters, hackers can now fuck with our vibrators. You know, therefore making us not be able to fuck ourselves. Ironic? Yes. Funny? Fuck no.

In the article, it discusses how hackers can now break into basically anything that’s linked to the internet. So all of those cool sex toys that link to apps? Yeah. They’re not necessarily safe from creeps. The main concern, however, is that they can then hack into the database of the manufacturer and blackmail them. Which sucks. And the thought of some weirdo changing the settings from “pulse pulse pulse” to “pulseeeeee” makes me lowkey want to die. Or hey, if you’re feeling lonely, it’s almost like you’re having sex with someone right?

For real though, uh, hacking into anything linked to the internet? Isn’t that like everything? Yes. Exactly. Scary, right?

Anyway, if you’re scared for yourself and your vagina, maybe switch over to the au naturale way of getting off. You know, laying in missionary and pretending to orgasm. I mean, uh. With your hands? Enjoy the vibe life while you can. The end might just be coming..

[via Reuters]

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