Columns

Have You Officially Become Your Mother?

You've Become Your Mother

Mothers. We love them. We hate them. We call them a bitch, and they have NO problem shouting it back at us. We hang up on them when they piss us off, yet we call them crying when a boy breaks our heart. When it comes down to it, our moms are our rock, emotional punching bag, and best friend.

We (at least I) don’t appreciate our mothers as much as we should. Do you realize they carried us around INSIDE of them for nine months? Think about it. We complain about carrying a bag of produce (bagels, hummus, and wine) up a flight of stairs, whereas they carried us EVERYWHERE for more than 36 weeks. I’m not even going to go into the fact that they gave birth.

They drove us everywhere.
They let us wear a cape and a tutu to school.
They didn’t kill us when we cut our own bangs (I’m sure they cried quietly to themselves later).
They looked the other way when we misbehaved.
They hugged us when we made mistakes.
I should also mention the proven, scientific fact that moms make the best sandwiches in the world. (Except when they turn the butt of the bread inside out to try to trick you. Like, really Mom?)

We love them to death and they are our superheroes, but it doesn’t mean we want to become our mothers. You don’t think it will happen. You swear it’ll never be you. You put it off and deny it as long as possible. But one day, out of nowhere, you say, do, or react to something and you realize that, “Holy shit, I’ve become my mother.”

You might think it’ll never happen to you, but here are some sure signs that you, too, are developing the “You Are Your Mother” syndrome.

1. You clean dishes as you cook.
“It’s easier to get it done while you go.”

2. When you clean them, you hand scrub.
“Because it’s just as fast, and literally no one else will do it.”

3. You put on sunscreen everyday (or at least you now own it).
“It’s to prevent wrinkles, at least until I get Botox.”

4. You freak out when your roommate doesn’t come home at night.
“I know I could at least call (because she better not be having fun without me).”

5. You send “mom” text messages.
“Yum!” “Have a great day!” “Good luck on your test!” (heart emojis FTW)

6. You listen to other people bitch way more than you complain (well, sort of).
“Everything will be okay, honey!” “He doesn’t deserve you!” “You can do it!”

7. You use slightly condescending pet names nonstop.
“Sweetie,” “babe,” and “hon” are now everyone’s names, whether they like it or not.

8. You love waking up early.
“I just get so much stuff done–like Insta-stalking, making coffee, Facebook stalking, going to the gym, Snapchatting at the gym, drinking more coffee, and other stuff…”

9. Power walks or gym dates with your friends keep you sane.
“You girls keep me young. Ugh, I love ya so much.”

10. You say “I love you” at least five times when saying goodbye to someone.
“Okay, I love you! Love you! Okay, love you, hon. Bye! Love you! Love you! Bye bye!”

11. You ask if anyone needs anything when you go to the store or Taco Bell.
“Do you kids need anything? Snacks? Condoms? Let me know!”

12. You get misty eyed when your friends accomplish greatness.
“I’m just [sob] so proud that [sob] you shotgunned your first beer…”

13. You can’t help but realized that your mom is the absolute best person on the planet.
You realize how much greatness and patience it took for our moms to cook for us, drive us places, listen to our stories, and always make us feel like we could accomplish anything–because once we do it for other people, we realize that it sort of sucks. In the end, moms are angels, and we are lucky to be among them. If we grow up to be like them, then we must be doing something right.

It’s fine, I won’t keep you any longer. I know you’re dying to call your mama. Also, no, my mother did not write this, despite the fact that it seems like a PSA to herself.

Email this to a friend

Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

0 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account

For More Photos and Videos

Latest podcasts

Download Our App

Take TSM with you. Get

New Stories

Load More