Boobs are great. Guys love them. Girls love them. They’re a whole boatload of fun. Perhaps the best thing about a good set of boobies is their intelligent design. There aren’t too many. There aren’t too few. There are just the right amount on a given body, all topped off with a cute, pink nipple, which does fun tricks to tell your boyfriend “good job,” or “turn off the fan.” Big fan of boobies here. Big fan.
However, I don’t feel like I like boobs so much that I’d like to have an extra–a spare, if you will. Florida woman Jasmine Tridevil, however, doesn’t seem to agree. She thought, “Two boobs? Yeah, that’s okay. But you know what would be REALLY fun? Three boobs.” And so, she got a third boob, all for the measly cost of $20,000.
The procedure wasn’t easy. Tridevil had to call 50 doctors before she found one who would break the code of ethics to remove skin from her stomach and add an implant in the middle of her chest for her. He made her sign a nondisclosure, but Tridevil thinks if he got his name out there, he’d get a lot of business. Her surgeon, unfortunately, was unable to create a third nipple, so she had one tattooed on.
You may have a few questions. Does the center boob feel different from the other two? Does it hang differently? Where does she buy her bras? WHY THE HELL WOULD SOMEONE DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS? And unfortunately, I only have an answer for the last one. It’s quite simple, really. She wanted an MTV reality show called “Jasmine’s Jugs,” and I guess when you’re too old for your pregnancy to be interesting, a third boob is your only option.
There is one other reason Jasmine went through with her procedure:
I got it because I wanted to make myself unattractive to men. Because I don’t want to date anymore.
Oh, I’m sorry. Are there just sooooo many men begging to be your boyfriend that the ONLY way to ward them off is to get a third breast? Honey, you should have just start text bombing them every night or reading through their emails like the rest of us. Or hell, mention the word “baby.” Or tell them you used to be a man. Or literally anything. You could even try just saying, “no, thank you,” when guys ask you on dates, like a sane person.
Now, it’s just a matter of which is weirder: three boobs, or two penises?
[via 9 News]
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
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