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Here’s A Toast To The Bad Bitches (The Ladies Who Keep Us In Check)

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In the past few years, we’ve seen a new breed of women step out of the shadows and unleash their fury on the world. These women are strong, self-respecting, self-sufficient, and, for lack of a better term, have their shit completely together–or at least it appears to be together. They’re poised, slick, sophisticated, classy, all about business, and even though they know how to take care of their men and are incredibly loyal, they do not need one and refuse to let one define who they are. Most importantly, they do not give a single fuck about haters, doubters, or anything other than their goals and what’s important to them. They do them. Hard. In short, they are fierce. as. fuck.

They are the bad bitches, and we can learn a hell of a lot from them.

What makes a bad bitch a bad bitch, rather than any other kind of variant on the word “bitch” or “betch” or anything in that family? For starters, the fact that in the case of the bad bitch, the word “bitch” isn’t used in a negative connotation, unlike in “basic bitch”–a person with little to no personality who only strives to be like everyone else. In fact, a bad bitch is the polar opposite of that.

The bad bitch is a rare breed. She has her own personality, her own style, and doesn’t really care about what anyone else thinks about it, male or female. She knows she always looks hot, whether she’s at the club or just stepped out of a spin class, dripping in sweat. She knows there will be haters of either gender wherever she goes, and she just doesn’t care. She’s just doing her own thing, and by Yoncé, you have to respect that.

Bad bitches listen to Ke$ha unironically, but aren’t the girls crying and writhing on the floor of a bathroom between puke sessions because they drank too much. Bad bitches know how to keep it under control and they always do, at least in public. They might look like they just stepped off the Hot Mess Express, but even THAT look is meticulously planned.

Bad bitches can get just about any man they want, but they really don’t need one. They vet their boos carefully. See, a bad bitch can always pay her bills, on time, and is never indebted to anyone. She’s fiscally responsible, though every now and again she will splurge on the Manolos; she certainly look great with the hot dress she got on sale at Nordstrom Rack. (Seriously, that store is Mecca.) So, frankly, if you can’t pay your bills, can’t pay your telephone bills, can’t pay your automobiles, then you can’t chill. Bad bitches don’t want NO scrubs. We all know what a scrub is, so we won’t get into that.

But there’s a clear and present distinction that needs to be made here. A bad bitch isn’t a bad bitch because she’s a loudmouth, or can twerk on whatever she feels like, whenever she wants. A bad bitch doesn’t want attention for those reasons, and knows that negative attention is not the same as positive attention. So, #ByeFelicia, Miley, but you’re not a bad bitch, because you twerked on Robin Thicke dressed like Beetlejuice. You are, however, a bad bitch for “Wrecking Ball,” so keep doin ya thing.

A bad bitch always chases her dreams and never gives up, because she doesn’t know the meaning of the word. Her goals and desires will always come first, and no man or woman can stand in her way.

So just to be clear:

• If it took you 45 minutes to get all dressed up and you’re not even making it to the club, you’re a bad bitch.

• If everyone already knows you’re so fancy, you’re a bad bitch. (And everyone should want a bad bitch like you.)

• If she’s prettier than you’ll ever be, but you can [bleep] him better, you’re a bad bitch.

• If you don’t need to shake your ass for him because you’ve got a brain, you’re a bad bitch.

Jessie J. Iggy Azalea. Charli XCX. Lily Allen. Ke$ha/Kesha. Tyra Banks. Miss Jay from “America’s Next Top Model.” Joan Rivers. Hot Piece. Michelle Obama. Oprah. Miss Rush to Rehab. EVE. Missy Misdemeanor Elliot. Idina Menzel. Barbara Streisand. And, of course, the divine queen of the world herself, Beyoncé Knowles-Carter, and the crowned princess of fierce, Blue Ivy.

These are the baddest of the bad bitches to emulate. Let’s raise a glass to the bad bitches, who are blazing a path that the rest of us can follow, because we should be as strong, independent, and fierce as they are. Because they’re really, really, really effing fierce.

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Stefon

New York's Hottest Club is wherever I am. Haters to the front, hunky Sailors to the back. Bow down betches. Follow this bitch on Twitter @StefonTSM StefonTSM@iCloud.com

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