Here’s What You Actually Need To Pack For Spring Break

Forget the cooler, here’s what you really need:

Slip-resistant shoes for dancing on elevated surfaces.
Tissues for your inevitable drunk crying.
And waterproof mascara.
A pillow and blanket for your middle of the beach pass-out.
All the high-waisted shorts for the post-beer bong bloating.
Some sort of GPS locator when you wander off to mingle and realize you’re completely lost.
A Sharpie to write your info on you and your friends’ bodies. You know, just in case.
Aloe vera to use after you decided you didn’t need sunscreen.
Go ahead and buy makeup a shade darker while you’re at it.
A bikini top that’s incredibly hard to remove. Standards tends to frown upon “Girls Gone Wild.”
One of those toddler harness leash things.
A metal detector to find your phone in the sand.
All the Pedialyte.
An abundance of sunglasses. You will lose all of them.
Mouthwash.
A big floppy hat to conceal your identity.
Plenty of outfit choices. You never know where the drunken days will end up.
A playlist to drown out the sound of puking in the background.
Name tags to give to guys who think you’ll remember their name.
A backstory for your fake spring break persona.
Your dignity. No guarantees it’s coming back with you, though..

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