He’s Not A Jerk Just Because He Doesn’t Like You Back

He's Not A Jerk Just Because He Doesn't Like You

Tale as old as time
True as it can be
Barely even friends
Then somebody bends (over)

If you didn’t get that Beauty and the Beast reference, just stop reading now because you aren’t my kind of people. But the story I’m about to you tell is as old as time, because I’m convinced it’s been happening since Adam and Eve popped up in the Garden of Eden. It’s a simple one: girl and boy are friends, girl and boy become friends with benefits, girl begins to have feelings for boy, boy does not reciprocate feelings for girl, girl writes off boy as an asshole, trashes him to anyone that will listen, and vows to never speak to him again.

It’s happened to all of us, right? And if it hasn’t happened to you, again, just stop reading now because I hate you for never having suffered this particular type of heartbreak. The kind that is doubled because you’ve not only lost a guy you liked romantically, but a friend as well. Which, in case you couldn’t tell from my bitterness, is a situation I am currently in the throes of. But I’m determined to make the ending a little bit different, because I’ve figured something out during my (seemingly endless) dating journey:

He’s not a jerk just because he doesn’t like you back.

But let’s rewind and start at the beginning. It began the same way lots of friendships do. We met, had a lot of those “what, you too?” moments, and became buddies. The texts flew on topics from everything from dating to work insecurities, and I honestly believed we were “just friends” until that first hookup happened, quite unexpectedly. We assured each other it was just that — hooking up — and our transition to FWB was complete. And I was ok with it…I swear. For awhile.

And then of course, because I am the most basic of females, the feels came. And why shouldn’t they? A guy who I could talk to about anything, who is also good in bed? Isn’t that the basis of every good relationship? What could be more perfect? Could this be it?!

But of course, having to play “the game,” I certainly wasn’t about to confess my feelings. I mean, as every smart girl knows from romantic comedies, you are supposed to keep these feelings to yourself and wait for him to realize that he loves you. So that’s what I did. I kept my mouth shut and kept right on with the status quo, waiting and hoping.

But instead, one night as I lay in bed waiting for him to come over, I got the text that every girl who has a “FWB she wants more from” dreads:

“I’ve thought about this a lot and I don’t think we should hook up anymore. I like you a lot and I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”

Translation: “I don’t like you that way.”

Of course, my instant, gut reaction was anger. What an asshole! Why would he hook up with me if he wasn’t interested in me “that way”?! Well, I mean, he did make it clear when we started fooling around that that’s all it was, fooling around. What kind of a jerk texts a girl he doesn’t like all the time? Although I guess we are friends and friends text, right? Damn you, reason. Can’t you just let me be irrational and ridiculous?

While calling him an ass certainly makes the heartbreak easier, the actual fact of the matter is that he’s not a jerk. He’s actually still that same guy I enjoyed calling my friend before this whole shitshow started. In reality, he didn’t do a damn thing wrong. He was upfront from the beginning; he didn’t lie or string me along. What makes it even worse is that I’m the one who screwed up. I’m the one who lied. I’m the one who said I was fine with things when I wasn’t, who didn’t ‘fess up when these feelings started because I didn’t want to risk rejection. His only mistake was not following the romantic comedy script and falling head over heels for me…which, given my awesomeness, sucks for him. And isn’t missing out on me punishment enough?

So to that guy: You’re not a jerk and I don’t hate you. Someday we can be probably even friends again… maybe when I’m 20 pounds lighter and looking amazing, so you’ll see what you’re missing out on. Or maybe when my heart’s healed enough that I realize how much I really just miss my friend. Either way…hopefully I’ll see you (fully-clothed) soon.

The featured image is a stock photo from our database. That dude actually does like her.

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Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, and documenting her love of all things cheese related. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at [email protected].

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