We here at TSM are feminists. Ew, not like those ones. Like, cute ones. We tackle the serious issues that affect women, but also complain that it’s messing up our hair. Anyway, it has come to our attention that there is a word used in regards to women, and we do not like it. Cunt? No, we love that word. It’s queef. Just reading it will make you want to peel your skin off. But what the horrendous word represents is not as bad as it insinuates. That’s why we need to change it if we want to create a more tolerant world for ourselves and every woman to come.
So, what is a queef? It’s the release of air that’s trapped in the vagina, usually due to sex. So it’s completely natural. Unlike a fart, this isn’t gas that smells or comes from the inside of our bodies. The medical term for queefing is “vaginal flatulence,” which is somehow way worse. The only other popular term for queefing is “pussy fart.” This is unfavorable for people who don’t like or use the word “pussy” and insinuates that a queef is closely comparable to a fart, which we know is untrue. So why is it that we have this terrible word for something that is so innocent?
In a recent study, we asked the world of Twitter whether it is more embarrassing to fart or queef in front of a guy. The results, although in favor of farting, were closer than expected.
For science, which is worse to do in front of a guy?
— Ali Hinman (@Srat_Bro) August 26, 2016
Farting was decidedly more embarrassing than queefing, but our results show that 2 out of 5 women would rather expel gas from their cooter than their tooter. If you’re moving around a lot during sex, weird noises will happen. Usually grunting in pain from the movement, but when things go in other things, air also gets pushed in. When the first thing is removed, so is the air. You’ve taken a science class. You get it. But when you think of it that way, it’s not as gross. It doesn’t signify poop is on it’s way. It doesn’t smell like a burp. It’s just plain air. And among the endless list of things women are supposed to feel self conscious about, our eyebrows, our fingernails, our belly buttons, our calves, we now have to add “air” to the list.
Now that we’ve addressed this problem, the real task begins. What do we call a queef? A vart? A poot? It seems like no matter what you call it, it gives you the heebie jeebies. Is it because we don’t expect anything except for blood and babies to come out of vaginas that makes air coming out weird? That’s asinine. We are more accepting, nay, we celebrate a full human child coming out of another full human lady, but when a little bit of air slips out, it’s shunned. It makes us wish we never came out of a full human lady ourselves. It’s an attack against women, and we will not stand for it anymore. Queef loudly and proudly. Just don’t tell anybody about it. Shit’s embarrassing..
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Ali Hin
A born and raised Jersey girl, she can always be found covered in sand and pizza sauce. Her personal brand is "that girl." She prefers wine in bottles because she thinks outside of the box. Send fan mail to [email protected] or by smoke signal.
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