Once upon a time, we were all scared little virgins. We would make out for hours in the back of cars and get embarrassedly excited when a boy rounded second base. Back then, being “bad” was easy. Making out in the hallway made you rebellious, and the things we did in movie theaters that make us cringe now? Yeah. Those things made us bosses. And then, we went to college.

And sex in the college world? Yeah. That’s a whole different game. Suddenly what you thought was “bad” was just normal, and what was normal was lame. Great. But never fear. Our girl Nikki Glaser knows the ins and outs (geddit?) to having a bomb sex life. In her new show, Not Safe with Nikki Glaser, seen Tuesdays at 10:30/9:30c on Comedy Central and the CC app, she highlights the good, the bad, and the ridiculous situations we go through to get the sex lives we’ve always wanted. And finding out what you want is half the fun. In her show, Nikki explores the lengths we go to for a less-basic sex life, pointing out the hilarious stumbles along the way. Since you’re in college, now’s the time to change things up and open the door to a whole new world of sexual possibilities. And since you want to step up your game, there’s no doubt you’re trying some of the moves below in hopes of becoming a sex goddess.

But trust me. He’ll notice.

1. Spanking.
   Before you run and hide your ass, just know: a little light spanking at exactly the right moment can make all the difference in the sex world. Whether he’s spanking you, or you’re spanking him (no judgments), you’d be surprised how far a little love tap can get you.
2. Hair pulling.
   A hair pull is like kink for beginners. Want to act like you’re being naughty? Put your hair in pigtails and let him yank (your hair. Still talking about your hair). Or, grab a handful of his locks and give them a gentle pull while you’re getting it on. It’s so easy, and natural, that it’s almost unfair how hot it is. Almost.
3. Utilize handcuffs.
   I know, I know. This seems a bit crazy. But handcuffs, or some sort of restraint, can take your sex life from zero to orgasm real fast. Whether you want to get pink fuzzy ones, or shiny metal ones, take turns locking each other up and being bad. As long as you don’t lose the key, he’ll keep begging for more (side note: if he’s being annoying, maybe you can accidentally-on-purpose lose the key until he stops? I’m not advising it…I’m just saying).
4. Do it someplace other than the bed.
   On the couch? In the shower? In your roommate’s bed (Jk. Sort of)? Doing it someplace out of the norm is like going on a field trip. A field trip where you’re naked and hooking up with that hot guy from your English class. And remember how excited you always were for field trip day? It’s like that, but with oral.
5. Talk dirty.
   “I like the way you…put your…genitals in my…genitals?” #NailedIt
   However you want to dirty talk, be bold. Be confident. And brush up on your vocab because yes, there are more words for “penis” than any of us ever imagined.
6. Use food.
   Want to make sex a little more appealing? Throw some chocolate sauce on there. Feel like getting laid but also feel like eating a Philly Cheesesteak in bed? Utilize food in the bedroom. It’s fun. It’s delicious. And it’s an easy way to be *~WiLd~* while getting our grub on. No shame. Okay, maybe a little shame. But when you’re coming while eating pizza, who really cares?
7. Keep the lights on.
   Keeping the lights on can be pretty damn scary. We all like the darkness to better hide our rolls of insecurity. But here’s a little secret: if someone is hooking up with you, they think you’re hot. They want to see you.  So maybe “forget” to hit the switch when you crawl into bed and watch his pein eyes grow huge in excitement.
8. Blowjobs. Give blowjobs.
    Giving head is just like Relationship 101. We get to act like it’s a big deal, but that’s just so we can get our guys to return the favor and watch Gossip Girl with us. While it’s one of the more basic moves, it works every time.
9. Blindfolds.
   The blindfold trick is great. It turns your ordinary tricks into something different and unexpected. Whether you stop his vision, or he stops yours, you get the chance to feel uninhibited. Plus, those things you wanted to try but were too self-conscious about how you would look? This takes that whoooole feeling away.
10. Rock lingerie.
    Let’s not lie here. We just want an excuse to go into Victoria’s Secret. But hey, you look hot and get some new panties. Win-win.
11. Lube it up.
    Using a little “His and Hers” acid burning tingling lube can take your sex game from good, to painful.  But some quality, water-based lube and some mood lighting and your world is about to change. Lube doesn’t mean that you’re dried up (which can happen easily, thanks alcohol), or not turned on. It just means that you understand how to take something wonderful and make it even better. Like adding peanut butter tho chocolate, adding lube will turn the ordinary into the extraordinary.
12. Anal.
    JK. If you do that, you’re the kinkiest of them all. Tread with caution.

Watch Not Safe with Nikki Glaser Tuesdays at 10:30/9:30c on Comedy Central and the CC App to learn how to up your bedroom game even more while laughing your ass off. Your vagina, and funny bone, will thank us (and that’s not the only bone, if you know what I’m sayin’)..

Image via Shutterstock

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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