How To Get Over The Freshman Fifteen


I was someone who was always into fitness, therefore I knew I could never gain the freshman fifteen. The summer before college I even became a certified personal trainer and interviewed at our school’s rec center for a “fun” part-time job. Fast forward two semesters later and I’m back where I started: living at home, trying to make some money before school starts again, awkwardly running into people I knew from high school, but ~surprise~ fifteen pounds heavier. Most college students find themselves in the dilemma of returning with a little extra fluff and what I like to call a “beer face” (it’s been proven that beer calories go straight to your cheeks.) If you’re like me and are trying to get over the freshman fifteen, I have a routine that’s a fool-proof way to do so.

Step One: Get Dressed

Put on some tight pants or shorts. It is important that they are loose enough as to not show your new pooch, but still tight enough to exemplify every pound that has went to your ass. Look in the mirror and remind yourself that curvy is in style and that the term slim thick is now a thing.

Step Two: Hydrate

This can be done in a variety of ways. I prefer to hydrate with water, fruit juice, or vodka. Preferably vodka, but it is really a personal preference. If you like to exercise moderation in your life, then I recommend trading in your vodka Sprite for a vodka water.

Step Three: Carb-Up

Many choices for carbing-up are also available as well. Carbs are used as energy that you need to have a good workout, so eating them pre-workout is very important. A lot of my people prefer rice cakes or brown rice, but I tend to go for leftover Chipotle.

Step Four: Cardio

This step is crucial to both your physique and bank account. If you live a safe distance from your outing location of choice, delete your Uber app before you go out for the night. Instead, replace the overly-priced ride with a nice, brisk walk to wherever you are headed. Just ensure that your walk is not too intense or you may sweat and sacrifice all the time you spent doing your hair and makeup. Also remember to stretch prior to your cardio if you are wearing heels as to avoid any soreness the next day. Oh, and don’t walk alone.

Step Five: Don’t Stress

Everybody and every body is different. Don’t get frustrated if you don’t see immediate results. Losing weight can take time. Just try to eat healthy and workout ever so often. There’s no need to take drastic measures, because those results never last.

At this point in time, you should be ~over~ the freshman fifteen.

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High GPA and an even higher tolerance for alcohol. Probably the only finance major you'll meet that has a negative checking account balance. Still in fact trying to determine if I have a soul.

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