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How To Handle The Heartbreaking Reality Of Your Little Getting Older

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When you first get your big, it’s a magical experience. You get showered with painted presents, decorated paddles, and bedazzled shirts. You take pictures upon pictures: in the chapter room, on the stairs, in your letters, in your high heels and short skirts. You’re part of this whole new family, whether it be the “pornstar family,” the “Barbie family,” or the ever boring “[insert generic flower/animal] family.” You have absolutely no idea why this one girl adores you so much, but it becomes all too clear during your first formal recruitment on the other side.

As the school year starts, you’ll stumble upon this one, incredible girl, and she’ll be perfect in every way, shape, and form. She’s crazy and fun and smart and sweet, and you could go on and on and on. She’s the perfect mini-you, just waiting to run into your arms on Bid Day. You make plans, text all day, and may become borderline creepy sometimes, but it’s okay because she’s just so damn nervous about even making it into Greek life. Obviously, she’s young and doesn’t know anything yet. So, you’ll take advantage of her naivety and screen her from other houses while you can, but, you know, still encourage her to follow her heart (as long as it leads directly to yours).

She’ll finally join, and you’ll begin this long journey: the preparation for big/little reveal. After a week of pulling more all-nighters than you ever would for class, your crafting will finally be complete! You know the torture was well worth it to see your little’s face of relief and utter joy as she lifts that giant, decorated (and freaking stuffy) box off of you and rushes into your arms. It’s kind of like giving birth without having to become a huge blimp and undergo hospitalization to get your new, precious baby.

You’ll find a lot of responsibility comes with having this new babe, though. It will be much like having a real child. You’ll teach her how to walk–home from the bar after too many drinks. You’ll teach her how to talk–to cute, upperclassmen boys on frat row. You’ll show her how to dress–for her first date with Mr. McDreamy. And you’ll comfort her when she cries–after downing an entire bottle of wine and drunk texting away every possible suitor on campus. You’ll help her with school, too, by giving her all your previous exams, passing down your doodled notes, and teaching her how to get on a professor’s good side. But the most important thing you will do is teach her how to get a little of her own.

As the years go on, you’ll watch her blossom into a mature, young lady. After searching through what seems like hundreds of boys who weren’t worth the time of day, she’ll find her knight in shining boat shoes, sitting atop a throne of beer cases. She’ll become the craftiest bitch in your house, and she might even show you up on cooler-crafting a time or two. You’ll send her off to new places as she travels abroad, you’ll video chat at any random time of the night to hear about her adventures, and you’ll wait for her patiently at the airport to give her the cliché running-into-her-arms embrace as she returns home. During the summer, she might get the same shitty internship you had, but you know it’ll help her get that bangin’ job making the big bucks after graduation. She’ll make you so unbelievably proud to be her big, and you can graduate knowing she will fulfill the grand legacy you’ve left behind.

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premed donna

Who said you can't be smart and funny? When I'm not writing for TSM, you can find me studying into oblivion, downing a bottle of chardonnay, and/or sobbing for reasons I have yet to understand. All hate fan mail can be sent to premed.donna.tsm@gmail.com.

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