I recently found myself in a situation where I was trapped into a date with someone I wasn’t really interested in. I knew I’d run into the guy and his friends the rest of the semester, so I couldn’t say no without creating a ton of awkward situations I didn’t want to deal with. So instead of doing the logical thing hurting his ego and our friendship by telling him I wasn’t interested, I decided to draw inspiration from one of my idols: Kate Huson and her character in How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days. Kate made her crazy an artform that has been respected by millions of women for over a decade. Unfortunately, giving this guy a love fern, photoshopping an album of our children, and nicknaming one of his appendages just seems unrealistic. I needed a way to shake a guy I wasn’t interested in, without being labeled as “crazy” for eternity, so I came up with my own method to make him think “We’re better off as friends” was his idea. Inception at its finest.
What I’ve devised is a very delicate process. On one hand, you’re trying to (figuratively) straddle the male ego so the guy’s feelings aren’t hurt by your disinterest, while on the other hand, you’re making sure your actions are still normal enough that he doesn’t have an excuse to pull the “crazy” card and ruin your reputation. You need that perfect balance, ensuring you get rid of the guy without any awkward talks about feelings and without having to invent nineteen fictitious cats.
Don’t Put Effort Into Your Appearance
This is only the beginning, but it will set the tone. Chances are, if you need to actively try to ward him off, he’s not going to care that you’re looking like a nine instead of the usual ten, but you should still put in the effort to not put in any effort. He’s used to seeing you look your best, so there’s a decent chance he’ll be thrown when you show up in a shack shirt from his rival fraternity. Plus, it shows you don’t care.
Make Him Wait
Most guys are used to waiting until the third date to get what they really want, but waiting for anything else can push them over the edge. You’re probably late anyway, so this should be a piece of cake. Make him wait for you to fix your hair, for you to powder your nose while you’re waiting on an entree, or for you to finish up the fifteen minute phone call you took when you were waiting for him to pick up the check.
Talk About Other Guys Platonically
This one can be pretty effective. I once changed my big’s name to “Ben” in my phone and had her call me on a date. I then proceeded to ask if “he” had gotten off work for formal, careful to double check what size t-shirt “he” wanted. We hung up, and I went back to dinner, pretending like nothing had just happened. If it’s still early enough in your relationship with the guy, this should do a great job of instilling disinterest, since he’s not going to want to compete with this unknown guy’s affections, but beware. If he’s already emotionally attached, he could end up getting incredibly jealous and clingy.
Become Weirdly Emotional
You’re walking a fine line with this one, but it can be golden if you play it right. You need to pick the perfect thing to get all choked up about. You don’t want it to be something major, because that gives him the green light to comfort you, but you don’t want it to be something trivial either, because it could get weird. I chose to get teary-eyed discussing the romantic ending to a season of The Bachelor. Was it sad enough that I needed to be consoled? Nope. Was it crazy enough that he would tell all of his friends I was a psycho? Arguable, but probably not. The key is to pick something that’s right on the edge of crazy, but doesn’t quite cross fall over. Other suggestions include: getting your little, a great sample sale, any Real Housewives finale, or your chapter’s senior night.
Be a Lightweight…Or Pretend To Be
My personal favorite. You probably didn’t eat anything at dinner, so there probably won’t be a lot of pretending involved, anyway. Of course any guy will think you’re nuts if you get wildly drunk, make out, call his mom, throw up, and name your future children (not necessarily in that order), so this is to be avoided. You need to be just drunk enough to be annoying. Talk about yourself a lot, get that high voice, maybe slur some words, repeat your stories, whatever it takes to make him think you can’t handle your alcohol. It’s not insane, but he probably won’t want a repeat date either.
Try any of these things, and he can’t, in good conscious, cite the c-word (crazy) as the reason he “decided” not to see you again. You’ll go down with honor, and hopefully have a chance with his wingman instead. You’re welcome.
Nice Move194
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RecruitmentChairTSM
RecruitmentChairTSM (@TheRecruitChair) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move. This current grad student and ex-sorority girl survives solely on Diet Coke and the tears of the pledges she personally victimized. She's a Monica, a Marnie, a Miranda, and a Regina. Her favorite hobbies include drinking $14 bottles of wine and binge-watching season 2 of Grey's Anatomy until she cries. You can send her annoying e-mails at RecruitChairTSM@gmail.com
@TheRecruitChair
