Spring break season is almost over. You’ll come back to campus with a new tan, a temporary long distance boy, and a bunch of drunk, crying seniors who have entered the last leg of their college career. Their love for your sorority is at an all time high, and as you’ve just starved yourself for bikini season, you look better than ever. A lot of sororities will opt to film their fall recruitment videos now, so as not to interfere with actual recruitment practice before school starts next year. This is wise. Wiser, still, would be to have a solid plan on how to make the best recruitment video ever. I’m here to help.
Step 1: Pick A Semi-Hipster, Girly Theme Song
Everyone expects the theme song to a sorority girl’s life to be something by Miley, which is why no recruitment video ever features a Miley Cyrus song. The idea here is to be unpredictable and different, which is why every sorority in the country chose “Summertime Sadness” last year. This year, I’d go with something by Robyn.
Step 2: Tour The House
Your video should start with a tour of the house. I know what you’re thinking–the PNMs have already seen your house. This is recruitment. They’re actually in the house right now, while they watch the recruitment video. That’s why the camera should pan across random decorations, concentrate on photos, and highlight the giant letters on your wall, so as not to be redundant. No one will actually know what your house looks like based on this virtual tour, but they will know that everyone likes to craft the shit out of its decorations.
Step 3: Get The Look
There is an unofficial recruitment video uniform, and if you don’t wear it, no one will want to be in your sorority. You must wear high-waisted shorts, a tank top, and a flower headband wrapped into your long, barrel-curled hair. This shows PNMs that you’re not a “typical” sorority, even though sororities typically do this. You’re not high maintenance. You don’t force your girls to wear sundresses. You and your sisters are laid back. Only laid back girls wear high-waisted jorts, and only fun girls wear floral headbands. And, of course, don’t forget to be hot. If you’re not hot, it doesn’t work.
Step 4: Get Dancing
If you need a reminder on how to dance like a white girl, you can click here. While dancing, you should be making a lot of funny faces at the camera to show that you’re silly. Without saying anything, your moves should say, “I’m the most gorgeous girl you’ve ever seen in real life, but look! I’m such a goofball, too. Don’t you want to be my friend?” Don’t forget to awkwardly and disingenuously laugh the whole time. Someone will edit out the awkwardness later, when the video is set in slow motion. If you cannot laugh, you should, instead, cry. The crying girl is a quintessential part of the recruitment video, because nothing makes a girl want to be a part of something like seeing other girls cry.
Step 5: Keep Quiet
I always find it so funny when people interview the models during the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, because it makes the angels think people want to hear them talk. Recruitment videos are similar. The girls have already had awkward conversations with you, and they do not want to hear you uncomfortably recite a scripted speech about your study abroad trip. Nothing ruins a recruitment video like vocalizations. Trust.
Step 6: Picture In A Picture
This was always the absolute worst feature on any TV program in my formative years, but it’s proven itself quite useful. You should find as many girls as possible posing for pictures, and film them posing. Please be sure to include videography of girls taking selfies, girls hugging and kissing each other, girls holding your sorority’s giant letters, and of course, the entire chapter standing in front of your house posing for the same photo 23 different times, preferably doing your hand sign. PNMs have absolutely seen this photo, as it’s the first picture on your chapter’s website and is hanging somewhere in your house. Just remember, nothing showcases sisterhood like making sure everyone knows what you look like while someone is taking a photo of you and your sisters together.
Step 7: Add Effects
A wise man once said, “everything looks better in slow motion.” This is especially important when the majority of your choreography is a bunch of girls winking at a camera or jumping up and down. Your entire video should be set in slow motion. It’s also a good idea to have a portion in black and white, or maybe sepia. It might behoove you to have a still image flash to the music, or to have the motion speed up and then slow back down while people are running. These will look like glitches–that’s the point. If even your flaws look perfect, everyone will want to be in your sorority.
If you follow this formula, you absolutely cannot fail–at the video portion, anyway. Good luck with the rest of recruitment.
Nice Move254
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at [email protected]
@VeronicaRuckh
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