How To Move Up In The Greek System

Maybe you don’t care at all about how your sorority is ranked. You’re lying, but maybe you don’t care. It’s not that a low ranking makes you love your sisters less, or takes away from your experience at all. It’s just frustrating. You don’t get to mix with the best fraternities, and for you, recruitment kind of is a mutual selection process. The thing that sucks the most, though, is that people are constantly judging you based on the organization you chose. You love your letters, and you just want everyone else to understand that your sorority is amazing. The only way to lose a bad stigma is to move up in the rankings. It won’t happen overnight, but you can join a “mediocre” sorority, and graduate in a top-tier one if you work hard, and fight dirty.

Be Amazing At Recruitment

Recruitment is everything. One surprisingly gorgeous pledge class can change everything, and in order to get them, you need to be good at recruitment. I don’t just mean jump higher, clap harder and sing louder. You should be doing those things anyway, especially because your bitchy senior is developing ticks from having to continuously reinforce those ideas. What I mean is, you’re going to need to get a little grimy. Use heterogeneous bump groups. I can’t stress this enough. “Nice” chapters, AKA bottom-tiers, feel bad doing this, because it requires to literally rank your sisters based on personality and appearance, and organizing them so the “best” sisters are mixed in with the “worst.” This makes for the best experience for PNMs, if your sorority isn’t filled with natural recruitment rockstars, and it’s not.

The reason a mixed group is better than a power group of outgoing beauties, is that you don’t want any PNM to be stuck with an all-bad group during recruitment. Even if you don’t want her, she’ll talk, and her opinion may influence the girls you do want. Every experience should be as enjoyable as possible, and every experience should be more or less consistent in the earlier rounds. You don’t want a PNM talking to the girl whose closest relationship is with Ben & Jerry, followed by the girl who didn’t get the memo that thick-rimmed glasses don’t work for everyone, followed by the girl who somehow manages to suffer from acne in early adulthood. The less fortunate looking girls need to be hidden among beauty, if there are too many to hide in the kitchen. The shy girls need to be mixed among the outgoing girls so no one thinks you’re boring.

The sad fact is that if you’re not currently holding a top spot on campus, your goal isn’t to be anyone’s top choice during the early rounds of recruitment, because that’s not going to happen. These girls are freshmen and they don’t care about sisterhood (yet), they care about their reputations. Your goal is simply to make them want to drop someone else before they drop you, so you get another chance for more manipulating opportunities to show them why your sorority is the right choice.

Once You Have Pretty Girls, Use Them

I know sisterhood isn’t about looks, but rankings are. The prettiest and most well spoken girls are the ones who should be representing you as often as possible. They are the girls who should be sent to promote your philanthropy to other chapters, they are the girls who should be your social chairs, and they are the girls who should be volunteering to do stupid fun performances and competitions during which they’ll be on display. Winning the wing-eating contest is a BIG loss if the girl looks like she would win the wing-eating contest. People need to see time after time that your sorority isn’t who they think you are. This also means you need to pay special attention to your website. Everyone should look amazing in every single picture, and if that means some people are on it way more often than others, then that’s the way it has to be. Your webmistress should be one of your judgiest, bitchiest, but most competent sisters, because she’ll do the right thing.

Be Fun

“Classy” has this funny way of being interpreted as “boring,” when you’re talking about someone you had no interest in hanging out with to begin with. No one looks at the bottom-tier and thinks, “They don’t put out, and I respect that.” They think “You’re weird virgins and no one wants you anyway.” I’m not saying your sorority should whore itself out, (although temporary slutdom with a turnaround once you’ve moved up is the easiest way to move up in the Greek system), I’m just saying don’t take yourselves too seriously. You have nothing to lose by giving fewer fucks, since you don’t have a top-tier reputation anyway. (Side note: People only put up with the stuffy top-tiers with the sticks up their asses because they’re hot.) You don’t want to be known as girls who don’t drink, or refuse to loosen up. You want to be fun, and awesome, and a group of girls that people want to be around. My point is, there’s a fine line between “classy” and “I’d rather hang out with my grandparents.” Don’t be on the wrong side of it.

Show Up And Win Shit

If you want to move up, you need people to pay attention to you. You need to go to every single possible event to get your letters out there, even if you don’t give a shit. Don’t skip out on the bottom-tier events. First of all, you still need those people. Second of all, it’s pathetically desperate, and the other organizations will see what you’re doing. This is the metaphorical sucking of the quarterback’s dick to gain popularity in high school. It doesn’t work. Start winning the biggest competitions. It’s not easy to do. You can’t throw together some last minute Airband skit, with poorly constructed costumes and few decorations, and expect to win. You need to put in the effort, and it can be done. Pay close attention to what helped other organizations win events in the past. Hold practices. Real practices. Not post-happy hour, twenty-minute giggle sessions. Win every single fraternity philanthropy event possible, because often part of the prize is that they’ll throw you a mixer, which is an amazing opportunity if it’s a fraternity you don’t ordinarily mix with (as long as they’re not known for rigging the results). If Powderpuff is a big deal, win it. Get your most athletic girls together to practice like any other sports team would in preparation. The same should apply for every other big competition. Nothing should be half-assed. Start winning, and people will start noticing you. Plus it leads to bragging rights during recruitment.

And such, is the circle of sorority life.

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