Sports. Love them or hate them they are everywhere. Right now, the Olympics are proving that it is possible for a country to band together as long as it is pinned against the rest of the world. We are watching in awe as Katie Ledecky blows everyone out of the water (hehe), and the Final Five do that crazy flippy stuff better than the other girls doing crazy flippy stuff. But as soon as that is over is when the *real* sports fans come out. Before we know it, football season will be in full swing, which will lead right into basketball season and straight to baseball season until it is football season again. Guys will be spending all of their time on sports and not on us. So what is the solution? Become just as interesting as the sports by being into them too. Since it isn’t in our girly genes to like or understand sports, you will have to fake it until you make it. Luckily, it’s easier than it seems.
1. Learn The Games
Nothing kills a boner faster than girls asking what is happening in the game every two seconds. Focus on the lingo and rules of the game at first. Once you are feeling comfortable, then you can start to make speculations about what players should or should not do. Only when you feel like you can make a remark without completely embarrassing yourself. One strike and you are out.
2. Send Out Vague Tweets Of Exasperation And Excitement
Find out when games are on, and instead of watching it, just focus on what everyone is tweeting. If it is overwhelmingly positive or negative, tweet as appropriate. If you can’t figure out what everyone is talking about, just try “OMG I can’t believe this is happening” with a hashtag that indicates you are talking about the game.
3. Favorite His Vague Tweets
By favoriting his sports tweets you are telling him “not only do I understand what this is about, I also agree with you.” He’ll appreciate your sports knowledge, and the ego stroke will rub him just the right way. You’ll have him wrapped around your finger with just one tap.
4. Yell At The Games
Again, this skill is heavily reliant on your speed and ability to read others. Whether you are watching on TV, or worse, are at a live game, pay close attention to the reactions of the crowd. Find the fattest, goatee-ed man in the audience and follow his every move. He is usually a loud and reliable indication of how the game is going for those of us who are completely clueless.
5. Ask Him About His Predictions And Agree With Them
Once he is under the impression that you like sports, he will want to talk about them (snore). Make sure you are always on the offensive end, meaning you are the one who is in control of the conversation. When you ask all the questions, you won’t have to answer them. If he asks you the same question back, agree with him by simply complimenting his answer or rewording exactly what he said in a different way. Further imprinting your appreciation for sports as well as his “knowledgeable” opinion will keep him coming back for more.
Keep this up and you’ll have a ring by spring. Unlike those Cardinals. They’re looking pretty weak this year..