The cold weather is finally retreating, the sun is out, and spring has sprung. Birds are chirping, sleeves have disappeared, and the warm weather day raging happens regularly. But there is one thing that makes every sorority girl fill with excitement and anticipation. It’s the one thing that makes our competitive sides come out, drives us to the gym to actually sweat, and pushes us to our creative limits. No, it’s not Greek Week or Derby Days.
It’s fraternity formal season.
So, how do you land yourself a prestigious spot as a date? What ways can you charm your way into a weekend of debauchery and drunkenness?
The most obvious way, in my opinion, is sucking up to the fraternity as a whole. You won’t get brownie points for creativity on this one, but all is fair in Wawa and formal. Nothing says, “I make a great formal date” like offering to cook entire meals for them. And nothing says, “I’m really not a crazy, clingy, psycho bitch” like painting them coolers and flasks before even locking down a date. But we all know making food and painting coolers are child’s play. Pros will sew letter shirts for them, make cornhole and pong tables–hell, I heard a girl even got water speakers for someone to get invited to a fraternity formal. You may have burns and scars, but it’s worth the weekend you’ll never remember for the rest of your life.
All guys want to get it in at formal. It’s a fact. So, therefore, in order for you to get an invite, make sure to show that your future date will, without a doubt, have a great after-party in your mouth. Reputation? Who needs that when you have formal on the horizon? Right? RIGHT? Right. So throw caution to the wind and get rolling, because nothing says, “I’m not trying to fuck my way into formal like a complete slooter” like hooking up with guys JUST to get invited to their formal.
When sucking up and sleeping your way into formal don’t work, sometimes you have to revert back to the classics to get that prestigious invite: beg.
“PLEASE TAKE ME TO YOUR FORMAL, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE”
Go big or go home with this one. Tears, ugly crying faces, and hands clasped together just scratch the surface for this step. I’m talking relentlessness here, girls. Don’t leave this room until he invites you. Don’t stop whimpering outside of his door when he inevitably picks you up and puts you outside. Kick, scream, and yell, “BUT I’M SUCH A GREAT DATE” when he calls pledges to give you a sober lift back home. Then the next day, apologize, claim you were blacked out, and ask if he thought about taking you to his formal. Completely normal.
On the contrary, you can skip all the above and go straight for the jugular. You’ll have a lot more to offer up.
You: “If you take me to your formal, I’ll bake you cupcakes and paint you a cooler.”
Him: “Why do I need cupcakes when you’ve got two wet holes?”
You: “You’re an asshole. Take me to your formal. I’ll paint you a cooler and maybe give you an OTPHJ.”
Him: “Eh, an OTPHJ, a blacked out MO with boob action, a cooler filled with Genny Light and Kentucky Gentleman, and a possible hook up in the coat room.”
You: “What the fuck? No. How about a cooler with Genny and Kentucky Gentleman, but also with some room for WHAT I WANT.”
Him: “No raz-ber-ritas.”
You: “Fine. What I want–it won’t be raz-ber-ritas–and we have a DFMO and alone time in the closet. You can tell your frat brothers what you want them to think, and I’ll deny the entire thing.”
Him: “Boob action?”
Him: “Wanna be my formal date?”
You: “Glad we could agree to this.”