Welcome babies! I hope the last semester has treated you well. Unfortunately, if it hasn’t already, shit is about to get serious. Yes ladies, I’m talking about recruitment. “What do you mean?” you might say. “Recruitment doesn’t even happen until September!” How wrong you are. Do you really think that we pulled that entire week of glitter and skits and repetitive conversations together in one week? Right, and we don’t cut girls for being ugly either. Listen up kids, because if you’re going to survive recruitment from this side, there are some very important things you must know.
1. You have no power.
Okay, this may seem a bit harsh, but the truth hurts. We don’t care if you and Awkward Amy have been best friends since preschool. If she sucks, she’s not getting a bid. You are one among over a hundred other girls, and you alone cannot get any one girl into the sorority, so don’t start thinking you can. On the flipside, you do stand a pretty good chance of keeping one girl out of the sorority. If the story is juicy enough, we’ll be happy to tell her “see ya never.” Note: this means “She slept with my boyfriend and then threw rocks at orphans” not “She didn’t invite me to a pregame once.” Use discretion.
2. You get the worst jobs.
Remember those beautiful balloon arches, decorative cake squares, stages, picture boards, and other decorations that dazzled you during recruitment? Guess whose turn it is to set them up? We have already devoted countless hours to this same task, and now it’s your turn. Remember how we didn’t haze you during your new member period? Well I guess you could say we were saving the hazing for now. Have fun ladies, and remember to put the tape on the walls horizontally.
3. You will have awful conversations.
As a newer member, you will likely be doing most of the talking during recruitment, and the fact of the matter is that not every conversation is easy. During the earlier rounds, there will be girls coming through the house that don’t fit in, but we still have to be nice to them. We want every girl to leave thinking our sorority is the best thing since online shopping, and that means we must make a sincere effort with every girl. If Becky Buckteeth is obsessed with World of Warcraft, make it happen. Of course she won’t make the cut, but maybe she’s the awkward roommate of a girl that we really do want, and the last thing we need is for her to go around talking about how awkward or rude WE were.
4. We do not have to spend hours discussing every girl.
Voting procedures are secret by sorority (even though we all do the same thing), but there is always some kind of voting and discussion process. There are hundreds of girls going through recruitment, and we do not need to know the entire life story of each one. Trust the opinions of your sisters who talked to them. If the girl was extremely controversial, then we can take the time to hash it out, but if it’s 2:00am and you’re the girl calling for another round of discussion on a PNM with great scores, we will all hate you.
5. It is important.
Although many of us at one point or another hate the entire process of recruitment, it is essential for the continued existence of our sorority. Although we may dislike spending countless hours clapping and chanting and singing and dancing until every little detail is perfect, we should treat recruitment with the respect that it deserves (and celebrate its conclusion with the binge drinking that it deserves too).