How To Take The Greatest “Rush Butt” Picture

How To Take The Greatest "Rush Butt" Picture

When comparing fraternity and sorority recruitment processes, there are little to no similarities. You might as well be comparing Drake to the Dalai Lama. While girls are banned from talking about booze, boys, bids, bank, and Bush (politics), it seems like that’s all guys talk about during their recruitment events. This is my interpretation of how a conversation would go between an active and PFP (potential frat pledge):

Active: If you had to pick, dude, tits or ass?
PFP: Mind-blown, dude, hard question.
Active: Titties or the booty?
PFP: Marry the ass now, buy the boobs later.
Active: Give him a bid.

Long story short, fraternities sell the fact that they will get these rushees laid while having the greatest parties and social calendar on campus. Basically, joining their house will make their Van Wilder, Old School, and Animal House college dreams a reality.

Fraternity recruitment chairs know all the other houses are telling rushees the same thing, so they need a way to differentiate themselves from the rest. One tactic to prove all the other boners are lying and their house is where the hottest girls on campus go to party is by blasting out Rush Boobs pictures on social media.

I tried to find the origin* of this age-old tactic by stupidly googling “Rush Boobs origin.” I have to laugh at myself because that was a complete and utter rookie mistake. I found no explanation or detailed history report — I just got spammed by a bunch of porn sites and my eyes are still burning. I’m currently praying that my computer doesn’t crash. So, I’m just going to assume some sorority girls got over-served, wanted to do something CrAzY, wrote their favorite house’s letters on their tits, took a polaroid of it, stumbled over to the house, snuck in, put the picture in a spot where all the guys would see, and then word spread like wildfire that girls were willing to solicit fraternities on their jugs and the result was the phenomenon we now call Rush Boobs.
*Editor’s note: It started on TFM.

But this is 2015, otherwise known as the era of the ass. Our standard of beauty is shifting to a curvier shape. “Rush Butt,” as I candidly call it, is the new “it thing” when it comes to body part marketing. I think the ass over tits shot is on the rise because you don’t run the risk of including your face, there is usually more surface area to work with, and butt stuff has taken over the young male’s mind. Boys are no longer satisfied with the standard P into V form of coitus that we all know and love.

I’m going to be completely honest with you. I have never sent a naked picture in my entire life. I have obviously been asked, but when it was time to deliver, I got too nervous and chickened out. I am no prude by any standard, nor am I self-conscious about my assets, but with my aspirations to become the next Lisa Vanderpump, I have an inkling those pictures would resurface, end up on TMZ, Google images, E! News, The National Enquirer, and so on to haunt me forever.

With that being said, I am willing to try anything once. I have made a lot of questionable decisions and I’ve survived all of them, so why the hell not raise the stakes and challenge myself? Last week, I decided it was time I entered the naked picture ring and face my fears head on. I like my boobs more than my butt, but I have a freckle on my right boob that is very distinguishable. Also, I might be one of the only girls left on this planet who still gets long acrylic nails that are permanently painted hot pink. So with the combination of my signature nails and boob freckle, I feel that the anonymity would be diminished, so my best option is Rush Butt. Detailed below is my attempt at taking my first ever Rush Butt picture.

Wednesday: Decided it would be kind of fun to grace the frat world with a picture of my ass.

Thursday: Did some research to see how girls pose and which poses seem the most flattering. Winning pose was a mirror selfie. I could control the angle and not have to admit to anyone that I was doing this.

Friday: Talked myself out of it. I couldn’t do this. Who the hell did I think I was?

Saturday: Drunkenly told my best friend my plan and convinced her to join in.

Sunday Morning: Best friend backed out because she didn’t want her boyfriend to find out and had more to risk than I did. Questioned if I had unknowingly been taking crazy pills.

Sunday Night: Decided it was now or never.

11 p.m.- Narrowed down what house I wanted to represent.

11:05 p.m.- Searched around my room for a black marker or a Sharpie. Could only find a hot pink Sharpie. That’ll do.

11:06 p.m.- Attempted to write the Greek letters on my butt. Much harder task than you’d expect.

11:07 p.m.- Went to the bathroom to wash off the first attempt.

11:08 p.m.- Kicked myself for using a Sharpie because that shit doesn’t come off.

11:10 p.m.- Texted my group chat to see if anyone had rubbing alcohol.

11:11 p.m.- Made a wish.

11:12 p.m.- Scrubbed off attempt one with said alcohol. Wondered if I should go take a shot of real alcohol.

11:14 p.m.- Took a double shot of vodka.

11:15 p.m.- Texted my best friend to come downstairs to ask for a favor.

11:17 p.m.- Best friend came into my room, took one look at my bare ass, and asked, “What the fuck are you doing? If you’re going to ask me to join or help, just don’t.”

11:18 p.m.- Revoked friend card from her. Didn’t work.

11:20 p.m.- Tried one more time to write on my butt and it sort of worked.

11:21 p.m.- Evaluated butt as a whole. Decided to contour my butt cheeks with some bronzer. Wasn’t as effective as I’d hoped.

11:22 p.m.- Stood in front of the mirror. Took photo one.

11:23 p.m.- Deleted photo one.

11:24 to 11:33 p.m.- Repeated taking photos and deleting.

11:34 p.m.- Put up hair for more anonymity.

11:35 p.m.- Started to lose motivation. Turned on Dance (A$$) featuring Nicki Minaj by Big Sean for inspiration.

11:36 to 11:38 p.m.- Danced around my room to procrastinate.

11:38 p.m.- Channeled my inner Kim Kardashian and copied her “Break The Internet” fabulous ass pose.

11:39 p.m.- Rubbed tanning oil on my butt to make it more legit.

11:40 p.m.- Took winning photo.*

11:41 p.m.- Wrapped up my Rush Butt photo session.

11:42 p.m. to 12 a.m.- Washed makeup, marker, and oil off my butt.

12:05 a.m.- Fell asleep feeling like a champ.

*Got on computer and cropped a picture of Kim K.’s butt, then used Photoshop to create desired Rush Butt tagline.

Now, ladies and gentleman, I present you with the finished product:

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Just a smart blonde keeping her standards as high as her red bottomed heels. Go big or go home.

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