Ahh, homecoming. It’s everyone’s favorite time of the year. It was one of the biggest football games of the season, and even though we’re admittedly not the best team, we could probably outdrink any other school in the PAC 12. I never really understood football, but who does after several shots of vodka and a sidewalk slammer?
I hadn’t even made it to half time when I realized I had spent the whole time facing the crowd, rather than the field. Now that I think about it, it probably wouldn’t have even mattered if I faced the right way, since I don’t understand or care about football. After we decided we had spent enough time in the stands, my friends and I headed back to our sorority house to get ready to pregame. It wasn’t like we needed to destroy our livers anymore for the night, but we sure as hell couldn’t face our past hook ups at the after party unless we were sufficiently hammered.
As we were walking home, I noticed a tall stranger was walking in the same direction. We struck up a conversation with him, and he eventually asked us what sorority we were in. I took this opportunity to brag about my house and make us seem much better than we are. He told me he had never actually been inside of my house before. Seeing as how I have a crippling and slightly concerning addiction to six-footers, I thought the only logical thing to do was offer him a house tour. My friends rolled their eyes, knowing exactly how I intended for this impromptu house tour to end. As we walked into the house, I rushed no-name guy to the bottom floor. I gave him a tour of the bottom floor, and suddenly got the brilliant idea that the chapter room would be the perfect place for me to end the house tour, and begin a completely different kind of excursion. If ya know what I mean.
We walked into the chapter room, and pretty much instantly started going at it. Before I knew what was even happening, my clothes were off and we were rolling around on the floor like ravenous hyenas. Little did I know, the door was wide open, and we weren’t exactly keeping our voices at an inconspicuous level. To my horror, I suddenly heard a familiar voice shout, “What the hell is going on here?!” I instantly froze. There I was, butt naked on the floor of the chapter room, with our head advisor from nationals standing in the doorway. Needless to say, she did not look happy– her face had turned a deep shade of purple and I knew I was about to get my ass handed to me. I tried to come up with the best excuse possible, which of course did nothing to clear my name. My advisor eventually ended up escorting my half naked, no-name hookup out the house. The next morning, I woke up with a massive hangover and a lovely letter requesting my attendance at the next standards meeting.
The point of this story is not to say you should never have sex in a chapter room, because let me tell you, that shit was well worth it. Every time we have chapter, I silently laugh to myself knowing that I hooked up with a guy right where an unsuspecting sister is sitting. So get out there and get your freak on in the most inappropriate place you can think of. Just don’t be surprised when you have to attend a standard’s meeting to explain your perversion..