I Hate You And Your Promise Ring

promise ring

When I was in middle school, the big thing for “couples” would be for the guy to give the girl a promise ring. Gag, right? I mean you’re 12-year-olds, what are you promising? The absolute certainty that you won’t be together for longer than 3 months? But as stupid as it was, it was still a thing. The boy would buy whatever $9.99 ring he liked best from Claire’s and proclaim his undying love to another child, a girl he’d only been with for about three days.

This is where my hatred of all things promise rings have started. Even then I realized how stupid it all was, so much so that when my first (and subsequently only) boyfriend gave me a promise ring on Valentine’s Day, I broke up with him on the spot. Because I’m a heartless bitch.

I’m sure you’re all rolling your eyes at the idea of middle schoolers giving promise rings to each because of how obviously idiotic it is, but I think we need to address the larger issue here, and that being adults giving promise rings to other adults. Fucking. Stop. Right. Now. Promise rings are not cute and they aren’t a commitment — they are basically the opposite of that.

If you really think about it, when a guy gives a promise ring to a girl, he’s basically telling her that sure, he likes her, but not enough to commit to marrying her. If he wanted to marry her, he would’ve given her an engagement ring. But he doesn’t, so he didn’t. It’s a huge slap in the face to the girl.

Then there is the awkwardness and uncomfortableness that comes with it. We’ve already discussed how a promise ring is just a guy telling you more clearly that he’s not ready to marry you or commit to you, so imagine explaining that to people when they ask about your ring. And oh will they ask, because people are nosy fucks. How does that conversation go exactly?

Promise Ring Girl: It’s a promise ring, it’s a promise from Jack to get married someday.”

Nosy Bitch: “So it’s an engagement ring?”

Promise Ring Girl: “No, it’s a promise ring. It’s like a pre-engagement ring.”

Nosy Bitch: “Oh, I see. That’s such a cute idea.”

No, she doesn’t see and no, she doesn’t think it’s a cute idea. Literally everyone outside of you and your “pre-fiancé” thinks that what you’re doing makes no sense. I mean, if you want to get engaged, get engaged. If you’re not ready to, then don’t. But for the love of all that is holy, DO NOT slap some tacky “He-Went-To-Jared” ring on your finger and refer to it as a pre-engagement ring. Because I, along with rest of the intelligent people in the world, will judge you, and I most definitely will hate you.

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Champagne Showers is a contributing writer for TSM. She is your typical Northern Diva. If curse words, sexual content, and drug use offend you, then bless your heart. CS will continue living the life you're too scared to live. email her at:

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