One of the greatest things about having best friends is the ability to vent without being judged or without being taken too seriously. Maybe your friend Becky got too drunk and accidentally spilt a vodka cran on your new suede booties. You love Becky and you don’t want to make this a “thing,” so instead you bitch for a hot second about it to your friend Amanda. Amanda gets the need for you to get it off your chest and realizes this isn’t actually a big deal. By venting, you avoid a pointless fight with Becky.
But what about when it’s your boyfriend? You love your man, but let’s be honest, he has so many little quirks that you just need to bitch about sometimes. Sure, some of them are ridiculous and all your friends know not to take you seriously, like when you complain about that one ugly shirt he always wears. But some of the other things can be slightly more “serious,” at least in fucked up girl logic. Like when you complain about how he is sooooo inconsiderate because he forgot your mom’s birthday, even though you’ve only been dating 3 months. Or when you get irrationally annoyed if he doesn’t consistently respond to every text in 2.5 seconds or less and you spin it to your friends that he doesn’t appreciate you.
I’m here to tell you to cut that shit out. Not because you sound ridiculous, although you do, but because when all you do is complain about your boyfriend, even if it is for seemingly insignificant things, your friends are going to hate your boyfriend. Your friends aren’t with you and your guy in those intimate moments when he is so incredibly sweet and they don’t always see the amazingly thoughtful, small things he does for you on a daily basis. The insight your friends get into your relationship comes almost exclusively from what you tell them. If the majority of what you tell your friends are complaints or nitpicks about him, your friends are going to naturally dislike him. Your friends love you and care about you so they obviously want what is best for you. Based on what you’ve told them, this guy isn’t what’s best for you.
Let’s play this out: you consistently bitch about little things your boy does and now your friends hate him. You and your boyfriend get into a fight about something that probably isn’t worth breaking up over, but because you’ve conditioned your friends to only see the bad in him, they encourage you dump him instead of working it out. Maybe you do or maybe you don’t, but either way, this further solidifies in their minds that your guy sucks. They’re cold to your boyfriend and he doesn’t understand why your friends hate him. This either winds up starting an issue with you and your boyfriend, leading to an eventual break-up, or mounting tensions with your friends, resulting in you distancing yourself from them. This is what we would call a lose-lose situation.
I’m not trying to tell you that you shouldn’t vent about your boyfriend ever, but coming from a protective friend, I am saying that you need to be careful. I can’t imagine anyone goes into a relationship hoping their friends hate the guy they are dating, but that’s exactly what’s going to happen if all you do is criticize him to your friends. Not only will focusing on the positives of your relationship help your friends like him as much as you do, but it will also help you appreciate your boyfriend more, which will lead to a stronger bond between the two of you.
Or continue to bitch. Just don’t be mad when none of your friends want to hang out with you and your boyfriend..