I Love My Boyfriend But I Miss Being Single


I went in to college with the mindset that I would be single for every second of those four glorious years where casual sex is completely acceptable and easy to get. My first semester was full of fun, foreplay, fellatio, and fucking. And then one one-night stand became way more than one night, and it was all downhill from there.

I was promiscuous, to say the least. I was eating up the single life and how easy it was to find attractive guys to sleep with. One of my encounters was with a guy who was actually nice but hadn’t really had much experience in the sexual department. My first time with him was one of my worst sexual encounters of my life. But we were completely sober, he was so sweet, and there was just something about him that made me want to come back for more.

Fast-forward four months, Mr. Nice Guy and I are friends with benefits. But the whole “friends” thing was a total understatement. And by that I mean I had a toothbrush at his place, I slept over at least twice a week, we cooked meals together, went on dates, and called each other pet names like “babe” and even “baby.” I was in too deep but I was not ready to be tied down — I was still sleeping around and he definitely was not. Weekly he’d ask to be my boyfriend and I’d shrug it off saying I wasn’t really into relationships or labels. He had no idea that I was having drunken sex with hot frat boys almost weekly, and I was starting to feel bad. But not bad enough for me to stop.

Finally, on one fateful Sunday morning after an amazing back massage and him serving me breakfast in bed (I mean c’mon you guys), I gave in. I said I would be his girlfriend and now we have been together for almost a year. I love him like I’ve never loved anyone before. I am head over heels, and I cannot see my life without him.

Somewhere in the past few months he found out about my sexual escapades and it was definitely a rough patch, but little does he know that part of me misses that lifestyle. Even though I have molded him to be the most satisfying, orgasm-inducing sexual partner that I have ever done it with, I still miss the messy, sweaty thrill of going at it with a guy that I just met. And even though I don’t want to lose my caring, awesome boyfriend, I could see myself giving into some guy drunkenly seducing me at a party, and that scares me. I don’t want to feel like that. I can’t feel like that.

So where do I stand in this whole predicament? It’s really all about self-control and reminding myself how happy he makes me in every way. Overall it is a pretty sticky situation but when balancing the pros with the cons I know that he is exactly what I need right now and taking him for granted would be a horrible decision. Just because you have to give up something, it doesn’t mean you’re not getting something better in return.

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