I have been asked about my future a lot recently. I get it. I’m a senior so people are naturally interested in what I plan on doing with the rest of my life, and sitting at home drinking vodka sodas while binge watching “The Hills” is apparently not a viable option. Fuck.
I know the questions are coming, and that’s okay. I know what I want to do with my life, career-wise at least. I have goals, plans, and a means of making it all happen. You could say I’m career-oriented, and I’d take that as a huge compliment. The problem that people seem to be having with my plans is that nowhere in my plans do I mention marriage or kids. That’s not by accident.
I’m still on the fence about the whole marriage thing, but I know that I definitely do not want kids. The issue I have is that when I politely inform people that I don’t think kids are in the cards for me, they can never accept it. I usually get one of two responses.
“It’s okay sweetheart, you’re still young. You have plenty of time to change your mind,” or “But oh my goodness, why not? Don’t you realize that children are God’s greatest gift?”
I’m going to be brutally honest. I don’t want children because I am too selfish to have them. I have so much that I want to accomplish in my life, whether it be career goals, life goals, or travel goals, that children simply don’t factor into the equation. I am fully aware of all the sacrifices my parents have made and are still making for me, and I’m extremely grateful to them, but I’m not prepared to do the same. If I were to have kids, I would either be an inattentive parent, leaving the nanny to raise them, which is obviously less than ideal, or I’d be bitter, because I had to sacrifice my own goals and dreams for someone else. Either way I would be a bad parent.
The biggest problem is that when I tell people this, they act like I am a combination of Hitler, Satan, Castro, and basically every other evil person rolled into one. Apparently, it’s not politically correct to one, not want kids, and two, not want kids because you are selfish.
But why? Honestly, I consider myself extremely self-aware, like more so than your average person. If I already know I would be a terrible parent, isn’t it to the benefit of everyone that I don’t have kids? Isn’t that the most logical thing? Apparently not. Society thinks I can’t find meaning in my life unless I have children. Society also believes that you are a verifiable cunt if you ever voice the statement “I don’t want kids because I’m too selfish.”
Well I say fuck that. There are many ways to finding meaning and happiness in your life, and children just happen to be one of them. By not wanting kids, I’m not a bad person. Furthermore, by openly admitting and recognizing my flaws, I think that makes me a courageous person.
Not having children is not synonymous with being a bad person, and I think it’s time we stop forcing that notion onto people. We need to take it upon ourselves to stop judging women simply because they don’t fit into some archaic role of what a female should be. We need to stop assuming that a woman doesn’t want kids only because she’s young, but she’ll ‘see the light’ when she gets older. We need to stop defining a woman’s worth based on that of children. We need to be the difference..