For those of you who don’t know, a perfect weekend is when you land three different dudes in three days (Friday, Saturday, Sunday). Now normally I wouldn’t be known to do such a thing, but in a strange turn of events, it happened.
Friday night started like any summer night would, little did I know what was about to unfold that weekend as I straightened my hair and rocked out to my “hype” playlist. My friend was having a small apartment party in my complex and being the lazy person that I am, I decided to show up by myself since it was less than a two-minute walk. When I got there I was greeted with the faces of people I had drunkenly met at socials and date parties. You know those people who you don’t really remember their names, but enough of the memory is there to warrant a hug and a high pitched squeal of drunk recognition. So as I was standing there casually sipping on my jungle juice and making empty conversion, in walks my old hookup. The type you hook up with consistently for two months but he still claims you were “just friends.” At a party with maybe 15 people, what were the odds of him showing up? He wasn’t even in a fraternity. Regardless of my urge to jump out the window, I ponied up and said hello, even flirted a little bit, but above all else I was ready to spite him. Drunk me decided that the best way to do this was to hook up with someone else, and that is exactly what I did. Granted, in retrospect it was mediocre sex and I didn’t even stay the night, but I was still pleased with myself until I found out that my old hookup had done the same thing.
Jump to Saturday night after waking up with a wicked hangover, I decided that going out wasn’t the best idea especially with the risk of running into my old hookup again. Instead I texted the guy I had been somewhat talking to, and asked if he wanted to watch a movie. Of course he was down and that evening turned out like anyone would assume it did. He made me dinner, we turned on a horror movie, and the rest I’ll leave to your imagination. It was pretty by the book as far as these things go.
Now Sunday night is where my decisions take a turn for the worse. That day a group of us had decided to go to the lake including my old hookup (you can probably see where this is going now). There were about 13 of us and the day was spent drinking, swimming, tanning, and grilling out. Now remember how I said my old hookup had done the same thing on Friday night? Well little did I know he would show up with matching hickies with another girl in our group. So not exactly my ideal situation, but I was a big girl and did what any self respecting woman would do; showed off my A+ bikini bod and flirted with every guy there. This strategy turned out to work better than I thought it would. Flash forward a few hours and a Four Loko later, I was waiting in front of the lake house with my old hookup trying to get inside, but our friend was taking forever with the key. We were just casually talking when he pulled me closer and planted one right on the lips. Of course being hammered, I was very pleased about this even though I would never admit that I had been trying to get his attention the entire day. And that quickly led to my third conquest.
Monday morning came with a splitting headache as I woke up, and the only thought that came to mind was “fuuuck”. I don’t know what compelled me to sleep with 3 different dudes in one weekend, or how I really managed to do it. I was afraid my friends would judge me but luckily for me my sisters had either all been there, or didn’t care. So if this ever happens to you don’t be ashamed of it. Give yourself a goddamn pat on the back and keep doing you because shit like this is what dudes strive for. This is #goals for them and we, my friends, don’t deserve to be shamed for it. TSM..
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