The day we have all been waiting for has finally come.
Okay, maybe I’ve been the only one waiting but whatever. “Gilmore Girls” is finally getting the ending it deserves and we have Netflix to thank for that. There have been rumors since October that there would be a revival of the show but last week it was confirmed and I for one couldn’t be happier. I grew up watching Lorelai and Rory bond and fight over life, boys, school, and of course, coffee.
They weren’t the only women on the show though. The cast was pretty female heavy (just another reason to love this show) and all of them were highly unique and badass. To prepare myself for the return of the greatest show on earth, I’m re-watching all seven seasons (for the 5th time). This time around though, I noticed something I hadn’t before: all of these women have sorority exec counterparts. So, in honor of this momentous occasion, here are the positions these women would have had.
Emily Gilmore – President
Ah, Emily Gilmore, how I love you and your sarcastically rude remarks. Emily is the HBIC, the ring leader, the dictator. She runs the whole damn thing and she isn’t going to let you forget it. She has convinced the chapter that this is what is best for everyone. She holds all of the power and that’s just how she likes it. She’s good at telling people what to do and getting them to see things her way, even if it means twisting your arm until it breaks in two. What makes her scary is that she does all of this while looking flawless and with a perfect smile on her face.
Paris Geller – Standards
Paris is most definitely judging every move you make, just like standards. Only she does it openly and shamelessly. Not only is she worried about her grades and her reputation, she’s worried about yours as well. But not in the nice “I care about you” way. No. She worries because if you fuck up, it makes her look bad and Paris Geller cannot look bad. If you put even one toe out of line, she will have your head on a plate, ready to serve at her next dinner party. If you value your life, don’t cross her. Keep your head down and pray she doesn’t find those drunken pictures you took draped over the school statue last weekend.
Lane Kim – Philanthropy
Lane ran for Philanthropy chair because her mother, the most terrifying woman on the planet, Ms. Kim, told her to and she didn’t want to face the wrath that would follow if she didn’t. She’s good at her position and is surprisingly strict when it comes to getting the rest of the sisters to go to events. You’d think she would be a push over but no, Lane wouldn’t think twice about dragging your ass out of bed to go clean up a highway. She was given a job and gosh darn it she’s going to do it. If she has to be up at 8 a.m. on a Saturday then you’re going to be there as well.
Sookie St. James – Fundraising
The only reason Sookie wanted Fundraising Chair was because it meant cooking and baking for practically every event. It’s a good thing though because your table always sells out. Her knock-out brownies (not special ones, sorry) are always a hit and the pasta night tickets are always sold out within the hour of the booth going up. Sookie would gladly have ten fundraisers a week if it meant she could work her magic in the kitchen.
Madeline and Louise – Recruitment Chairs
These two come as a package deal and they were happy to share their position, even though it goes against the chapter by-laws. They do a great job though and numbers have never been better. Their formal went down in sorority history as the booziest, wildest night ever. Are they a little smug and just a tad too perfect for the rest of us? Sure, but you can’t deny that their tactics work. Haters gonna hate.
Rory Gilmore – Secretary/Scholarship/Alumni
Little Miss Perfect wanted to take another position but the President told her to let others have a chance. We love her for it though. Rory keeps everyone up to date with her prompt minutes e-mail, weekly reminders about events, encouraging notes to keep up the good work with grades, and throws a perfect Alumni picnic to boot. Of course her 4.0 GPA never waivers. She has everything under control, even if she sometimes breaks down and says her life is a mess. It’s not, and she’s putting the rest of us to shame. On top of it all, Rory gets to date suave hottie Logan Huntzberger. Swoon.
Lorelai Gilmore – Vice President
Lastly we have the woman who makes everything worthwhile, the one we all love. Lorelai has the best position, hands down. She has a good amount of power but rarely does she have to use it. Her devil-may-care lifestyle and minimal duties go great together. She’s the girl you can go to about your problems without being judged, at least too much. For the most part, Lorelai gets to sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. And trust me, she takes full advantage of it. She’s great at delegating jobs and loves being there for people. Lorelai makes a kickass Vice President and the chapter couldn’t be happier.
Sadly, we’re going to have to wait a few more months to see this final season. Luck for you though, all seven seasons are already on Netflix. Go make a vat of coffee and watch it again, or for the first time if you haven’t already. You won’t regret it..
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