“Winter is coming” — the three most terrifying words to the people of Westeros…and sorority girls everywhere. For the “Game of Thrones” crew, it means potentially freezing to death or being attacked by creepy crawler White Walkers. For sorority girls, it signals the end of sundress season, and it makes shacking a bitch, especially if you wake up to Hodor (and not where it counts), instead of Jon Snow. Luckily, for both groups, winter doesn’t mean less nudity just because it’s cold outside. That would ruin the show. And life.
On “Game of Thrones” everyone’s struggling for the right to rule. Our presidency is their Iron Throne. The truly important question, however, isn’t who will sit on the world’s most uncomfortable sword seat, it’s who gets a bid. Here’s what would happen if your Recruitment Chair ran “Game of Thrones.”
This little murderess would make the perfect Lifetime movie heroine. She’s the far superior Stark, and she throws serious shade. Girlfriend is no one’s slampiece, especially not the Hound’s. Although, I am looking forward for her hooking up with her “Skins” co-star. While she’d look perfect on the Iron Throne, I’d prefer her in a sorority squat, as my little.
She was given a statement necklace by a drunk dude, so she’s already on her way to sorority girl status. While she’s pretty, good at dieting in the wake of disaster, and would fill the redhead quota, her inability to be as badass as her baby sister forces me to deduct points.
Consensus: No bid.
While I’d prefer her grandmother, Margaery has the makings of a perfect sorority girl. She’s secretly slutty and she’s a member of the ultimate lineage. Unfortunately, she’s set to marry baby Bieber. I only hope she doesn’t meet a fate similar to the bow and arrow bound prostitute…or Selena Gomez.
She’s a ginger with a soul. Plus, she broke through the barriers of the emotionally unavailable Jon Snow, and there’s nothing a sorority girl loves more than a coldhearted not-boyfriend. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, especially if she was wild to begin with.
While we encourage penetration between girls and members of our “brother” fraternity, we don’t mean it literally. She does love drinking, though, which puts her on the fast track to Greek life. Alcohol is the best way to cope with too many feelings (although usually not about a brother lover). Unfortunately, her eyebrow game is lacking, and you should never trust anyone with bad brows.
Consensus: No bid.
Girlfriend has the best accessory of all: dragons. I personally prefer Cadbury Eggs to dragon eggs, especially now that her “babies” are going rogue. Doesn’t she realize that you can’t control your little for long? She’s already queen of the friend zone, a skill all sorority girls need to learn to acquire. She’ll always have a date for parties, even if it is a platonic one. Another pro? She somehow found a curling iron in the middle of nowhere. Her new not-boyfriend is now played by a former cast member of “Nashville” who quoted the “Little Mermaid” to her, and I can’t wait for him to be a part of her world.