If The Disney Princesses Were In Your Sorority…

The Executive Board

The Executive Board.

Tiana: The princess who kissed a frog is definitely the VP of Philanthropy. She’s in school on scholarship, but she’s not letting her financial scenario deter her from being the hardest working, most ambitious girl on campus. She’s destined to be a CEO someday, but in the meantime, she prefers to spend her time studying and raising millions of dollars for the house philanthropy as opposed to going out and having a good time. She’s a buzzkill, but she’s also the one who will be funding most of the alumni donations in the future.

Aurora: Aurora is gorgeous, but she’s also the most boring person alive. She’s head of Standards, because she chooses to stay in every night and get her beauty rest instead of going out and raging. Her boyfriend is in a good house, but he totally supports her lame habits. After graduation, he comes out of the closet, and it totally makes sense as to why he was so ridiculous with his moisturizing regimen.

Belle: Belle is the Social Chair, because she loves throwing a good party. It’s been said this princess could even turn a stuffy formal dinner into a rager, but that might just be a rumor. Belle loves throwing on a pretty dress, but she’s also a total gold-digger. Word on the street is her latest boyfriend is so hideous nobody else can bare to look at him, but he’s totally loaded and has a gorgeous house, so she’s sticking around and keeping him too distracted to force her into signing a prenup.

Pocahontas: Our girl Pocahontas is the Chapter President, simply because she refuses to take shit from anyone. Most people are intimidated by her, which makes her a hard sell during recruitment. She’s a little leary of newcomers. Regardless, she has no trouble finding new ways to make your house stand out on campus and her boyfriend is hot has hell.

Ariel: Ariel is definitely the VP of Recruitment. She loves meeting new people and she’s always eager to talk to new girls. She has the best closet of any of the sisters, largely due to her possible hoarding addiction. As pretty and materialistic as she is, she’s totally awkward at mixers because she turns into a mute when she’s in front of a hot guy. When she starts freaking out before finals, you can usually find her in the broom closet she’s turned into an additional closet for all of her bizarre trinkets.

The Party Girls

The Party Girls

Rapunzel: Good old Rap is a GREAT face girl for the house, because, well, duh, she’s effing gorgeous and she has the best hair on campus. She looks great on paper, but due to her strict upbringing, she’s an absolute hot mess when she goes out. Her parents basically locked her in an ivory tower in high school, so when she finally decides to let her hair down, she goes crazy. A highly functioning alcoholic, she’s fun at first, but eventually ends up in a corner surrounded by her mess of long, shiny locks, crying about parental issues.

Jasmine: Jasmine is gorgeous, but she’s an absolute psycho. She’s got the best set of daddy issues out there, which she has no trouble displaying through her dating habits. Instead of dating any top tier frat boys that her father would actually approve of, she insists on dating drug-dealing geeds. She doesn’t even try to hide her need for validation among the guys on campus. She can’t resist showing off her belly button, which was unfashionable and tacky even when it was in style. She’s also been known to sneak out from the house balcony to go on a joy ride with questionable males from time to time.

Cinderella: This princess is at standards meetings more often than she’s at chapter meetings. She takes “hot mess” to an entirely new level. She spends her days tripping out on various hallucinogens so much that she thinks she can communicate with animals, and she spends her nights getting blacked out and leaving various articles of clothing at different fraternities. She is always on social probation, but she seems to find a way to disregard that and still show up at then end-of-the-year ball anyway.

Snow White: Also known as “The Sister You Never See,” she’s a self-professed “guy’s girl” who spends the first two hours of a party raging so hard she passes out. She’s actually really annoying to deal with, and she was the sister you never saw during pledging. She only shows up when it’s mandatory and she opted to live with a bunch of weird lower-tier frat guys instead of the sorority castle. Rumor has it all seven of them run train on her at least once a weekend, and they refer to themselves as “the miners” in reference to their group sexual activity. It’s also been rumored she got her nickname because of her massive blow addiction, but nobody will confirm or deny on record.

The Legacy

Mulan: Every pledge class has one, and Mulan is the worst. She’s really only good for intramurals, which she happens to dominate at. After graduation, she comes out as a lesbian, which totally makes sense. Something catastrophic happened any time one of her sisters tried to set her up with a guy for a date function. She also played women’s rugby.

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