If You Give A Girl A Shack Shirt

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If you give a girl a shack shirt, she’s going to ask for a glass of water. When you give her the water, she’ll make you try again — this time, filtered, not tap.

When she’s finished, she’ll ask you for some Advil. Then she’ll want to go to the bathroom to make sure she still looks okay.

When she looks in the mirror, she’ll notice that her eyes are red. So she’ll probably ask for some contact solution.

When she’s finished putting her contacts in a shot glass, she’ll want to brush her teeth. “Can I use your toothbrush?” She’ll shout as she puts it in her mouth.

She’ll start brushing. She might get carried away and want to wash her face. She may even take a shower! When she’s done, she’ll probably want to go to bed.

You’ll have to find a nice little space on your bed, clear of old clothes and condom wrappers. She’ll crawl in, try and make herself comfortable, and complain about your lack of throw pillows a few times.

She’ll probably ask you to rub her back. She feels nauseous, after all. So you’ll rub her back and try to make a move. When you try to make a move, she’ll get so excited that she forgets all about the thirteen shots and upset stomach.

She’ll ask if you have a condom. She’ll watch you put it on. When the sex is over, she’ll ask if you’re going to call her. Then she’ll want to watch you put her number in your phone. Which means you’ll have to remember her name.

She’ll stare too long at your screen while you drunkenly attempt to save her information. Looking at the bright screen will remind her that she doesn’t feel well.

So…she’ll ask for a glass of water. And chances are if she asks for a glass of water, she’s going to want a shack shirt to go with it.

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Catie Warren

From Rush To Rehab (@catie__warren) is a semi-fuctioning adult who has been celebrating her 21st birthday for the past three years. She attended college in the nation’s capital and to this day is angry that Pit Bull lied to her, as you cannot, in fact, party on The White House lawn. Prior to her success with TSM, Rehab was most famous for being featured in her hometown newspaper regarding her 5th grade Science Fair Project for which she did not place. In her spare time, she enjoys attributing famous historical quotes to Marilyn Monroe and getting in fights with thirteen year olds on twitter. Email:

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