If You Really Love Me, You’ll Buy Me A Blood Diamond

If You Really Love Me, You’ll Buy Me A Blood Diamond

Since my relationship is getting close to the four-year mark and my boyfriend has a high-paying job, it’s officially time for me to start dropping hints about the future diamond I’ll wear ’til death do us part, or at least until I meet someone richer. Obviously, it needs to be at least two carats, oval or round cut, and a solitaire without any hint of a halo, but figuring out the design is only the tip of the iceberg. The much bigger problem is deciding which retailer to go with. Yurman or Tiffany? Brilliant Earth or build-your-own? Kay or break up with my boyfriend? Should I sacrifice 1/2 a carat to use those funds on a brand name, or do I go with something sustainable and ethically sourced? There are a lot of decisions to be made, but one thing is abundantly clear: if my boyfriend really loves me, he’ll buy me a blood diamond.

In theory, I get it. Conflict-free diamonds are trending due to unsafe working conditions in third-world countries. However, while I’m sure that has a negative effect on workers in Africa, that shouldn’t mean that it should also have a negative effect on me. Screw conflict-free; I’m aiming for a diamond as full of conflict as my relationship.

If making me happy isn’t worth having the blood of South African children on your hands, do you really even love me? I’m being serious right now. You’re pledging to commit your entire life to me, yet it’s more important to you that someone in a third world country gets a working wage than it is for me to have an extra carat? If you can put the physical well-being of someone you’ve never even met over the happiness of the supposed love of your life, can I really trust you to stand by me forever? Honestly, buying a conflict-free diamond seems like a huge breach of trust that I’m just not willing to tolerate.

When people look at my ring, they’re not going to see lives that were potentially saved; instead, they’ll see a ring half the size it should be and judge accordingly. They’ll assume you don’t love me enough to buy me a bigger ring, or even worse, think that we’re poor. Is that really the punishment you want to exact on me for the next 75 years of my life? I really don’t think so. Besides, as much as everyone will be judging me for my ring, know that they’ll be judging you too. That’s right, your personal reputation hinges on you picking out the largest blood diamond you can find, so for your sake, I hope you choose wisely.

It should be as clear as my future diamond that there’s only one choice when it comes to purchasing my engagement ring. If my love isn’t worth the lives of people who knowingly took a dangerous mining job, we should probably just go ahead and break up now. If I don’t come first in this decision as well as in the bedroom, how am I possibly supposed to build a future with you? Use your money wisely and make a great financial investment not only in me, but in the rock I’ll use to show off our love to the world. Show me you love me by proving my happiness is worth the lives of strangers, and I can guarantee you a lifetime of happiness. Thanks in advance, babe. Love you.

Image via Shutterstock

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RecruitmentChairTSM (@TheRecruitChair) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move. This current grad student and ex-sorority girl survives solely on Diet Coke and the tears of the pledges she personally victimized. She's a Monica, a Marnie, a Miranda, and a Regina. Her favorite hobbies include drinking $14 bottles of wine and binge-watching season 2 of Grey's Anatomy until she cries. You can send her annoying e-mails at [email protected]

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