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I’ll Have A Threesome As Soon As I Become The Hottest Girl On Earth

I’ll Have A Threesome As Soon As I Become The Hottest Girl On Earth

I recently found myself in a bed with a boy…and another girl. Nothing really happened between the three of us because I left before things got too steamy, but the opportunity was right there. I could have made it happen, could have checked a big one off the bucket list, but I freaked out. I was more turned on than I had ever been in my life, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Her shirt was off. His pants were off. They were making out while I sat on the edge of the bed and watched. Even when he started rubbing my thigh and creeping up ever so close to you know where, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

The idea of it all sounds very fun, but the logistics are what get me. In order to have a threesome with two girls and a guy, both the girls need to get naked. And the thought of taking my clothes off in front of another girl while a guy watches us makes me want to cry. It shouldn’t surprise anyone when I say that the best part of hooking up with a boy is that he is paying attention to you and ONLY you for (hopefully) like at least 12 minutes. There is nothing he wants more in that moment than you and your body. He doesn’t have enough blood in his body to keep a hard-on and think about anything other than putting his dick somewhere inside of you at the same time. Ask a guy what he’s thinking about during sex and I guarantee he’s not going to say “Oh ya know, just the weather” or “That big calc exam I have coming up next week.” No. He’s thinking about you and his dick and that’s literally it.

However, when there is a whole other girl there, the attention he is paying to you gets cut in half. And where is the fun in that? I could be slaving away giving him a blow job while he’s making out with her and completely forgets that I’m even there. I mean, come on, that sounds miserable. Now, I could probably get over the attention deficit if I was really turned on and truly enjoying myself, but I have yet to get to the most terrifying part. My worst nightmare: what if he thinks she’s hotter than I am?

I know where I stand. I’m an attractive girl, but put me next to another attractive girl where we can quickly be compared side-by-side, and my confidence would be absolutely shot to shit. Even if I was objectively way better looking than she was, I would convince myself that he thinks I’m ugly and is only interested in her. I would probably end up passing out from trying to suck in my stomach. No matter how drunk or horny I was, I know I would spend the entire time looking at her, wishing I had her stomach or her tan, or beating myself up for not going to the gym more often, or promising myself that I’m never going to eat bread again, etcetera, etcetera, you get the idea. And that, to me, sounds absolutely miserable.

So, until I lose a few pounds and magically get really fucking hot, I will not be having a threesome that involves any girl other than me. I plan to stay on the safe side of things where I get all of his attention and keep my body image issues deep down in the back of my subconscious where they belong.

Image via Shutterstock

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madifree

Madi is a spray tan aficionado who started drinking La Croix before it was cool. She takes way too much pride in her finsta and will definitely tell you if that dress makes you look fat. Her spirit animal is Barbie and when she's not writing for TSM you can find her struggling through classes at her quaint liberal arts college while secretly wishing she was pursuing an MRS degree at a big state school.

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