I’m A Feminist, But Ya Girl Is Still Trying To Marry Rich

woman dyes her hair blonde to have more fun, is still a bitch

Nothing chaps my ass like a person who doesn’t support women. I consider myself a very sympathetic person. Generally, I can put myself in another person’s shoes and do my best to understand where they are coming from. But if some dude comes at me with some bullshit about “women are weaker than men” or “women should know their place,” I will make sure he knows his place. SIX FEET DEEP, SUCKAS. Even women are guilty of this. I feel genuinely sorry for women who were raised believing that they are supposed to be nothing but pretty and quiet. I was raised an empowered, independent, and strong woman. But that doesn’t mean I’m not out here scheming for a rich husband.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m working my ass off in school. I’m about to graduate and head off to grad school before becoming a contributing, well-off member of society. I’ve been taking care of myself for me. So it’s not like I can’t provide for myself. But we can all agree it would be nice not to have to. I want to make my own money because I can. Because I’m a strong woman. But if he wants to pick up the tab, I will sit back in my seat and thank him with a sweet smile.

Every girl dreams of her Prince Charming. And do you know what one of the number one attributes of princes is? They are dirty filthy rich. Like, stupid amounts of money. He’s a goddamn prince! People worship him! And if he’s looking for a girl to spend all of that excess money on, I am absolutely available. This doesn’t mean that I’m going to abandon all of my standards. He has to be funny, understanding, and above all, respectful to women. So respectful that he makes a shit ton of money every day just to spoil me like the princess that I am.

I want to live in a world where my 16-year-old cousin doesn’t have to spend the rest of high school thinking that she is seen only by her curly hair and slim figure, and not for her incredible artistic talent. Not only is she beautiful, but she creates beauty around her. Every day, I strive to be a good role model for her. I want her to know that she can do anything. She can make a difference. Just because she’s a woman, doesn’t mean that she can’t have it all. She can go off and be a doctor, and then marry a rich, hot guy who will pay off her student loans for her.

At the end of the day, we are women. We can achieve all things. Including locking down high paid, handsome hunks. Beyoncé joined forces with Jay-Z. Kim K caught Kanye. Blake Lively roped in Ryan Reynolds. Each of these women could single-handedly take over the world, but they selflessly allowed these men to serve a purpose in the world. To put his money to good use by buying a big ass rock to pop on her finger.

Yes all women. And yes, all men, you can buy me a drink.

Image via Shutterstock

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Ali Hin

A born and raised Jersey girl, she can always be found covered in sand and pizza sauce. Her personal brand is "that girl." She prefers wine in bottles because she thinks outside of the box. Send fan mail to [email protected] or by smoke signal.

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