I’m Only A Bitch Because I Love You, According To Science

Many words have been used to describe me over the years, but typically “nice” is overshadowed by more accurate terms such as “controlling,” “bitchy,” “Type A,” and “bossy.” Yes, I’m that person that lectures you about your decisions and stands up in meetings with half-hour long diatribes about how your actions impact all of us (how dare you take shots in letters??). In short, I’m insufferable. If you’re dealing with someone like me, you probably think I’m horrible and negative while wishing TMJ on me so someone would have an excuse to wire my jaw shut. However, if you’re someone like me, you know that all of your negative, controlling, psychotic behavior is driven from a deep-rooted desire to make our relationships, friendships, and organizations the absolute best they can be. Now, thankfully, a new study has confirmed that even the worst of us truly do have everyone’s best intentions at heart, so instead of complaining about me in your group chats, it’s time to start actually listening to what I have to say.

The journal Psychological Science published a study that confirmed what I’ve known all along: those of us who instill negative emotions in others do so because we truly believe they will help them out long-term. Researchers from the University of Plymouth gave a group of 140 adults hypothetical situations where their friends were in stressful situations. What they found was that the bitchiest friends who nagged their counterparts did so because they thought that would be the most helpful way for them to improve their situations. That’s right – by putting ourselves in the shoes of those we believe to be in danger from making poor decisions, we’re actually being the best possible friend to you by looking out for you with what you may have been perceiving as criticism.

Thanks to science, my tendency to nag, annoy, and bitch at everyone in my life has now been completely validated. Don’t like that I’m telling you that dress actually does make you look fat? Too bad, because you’re rejecting my purely selfless friendship. I’m not being an asshole, really – I just love you and want you to look as good as I know you can in the picture we’re going to Instagram later. Now stop slouching, fix your makeup, and change your shirt – it’s time for the pre-game..

[via Curious Mind Magazine]

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