Halloween, as we all know, is the greatest time of the year. Name me one activity that’s not better in costume? It can’t be done. And this one day week a year, we have a holiday where the rest of the world is forced to get on board. Everyone is in costume, and you’re not thought of as “an attention whore” or “someone with weird sexual kinks they need to work through.” You’re just festive. Truly nothing is better.
And of course, with Halloween, comes Halloween makeup. In recent years, intense avant garde makeup has gone more mainstream, thanks to social media and YouTube tutorials coming straight to the palm of your hands. And for most of us plebes, Halloween is the only real time we can put these skills to work publicly, for all the attention and glory they deserve. Basics are prepared for a little bit of colored eye shadow and thicker falsies. Extras have been preparing for weeks.
Exhibit A:
Personally, I never feel hotter than when I have some weird, creepy shit all over my face, with a sharper contour than is normally appropriate. It’s my art, or whatever. Plus, I’m normally in some various state of undress for Halloween, and I don’t want to waste what is basically lingering on not having sex.
This leaves us with one very serious concern: Do you take off your Halloween makeup before you have sex?
Reasons To Leave It On
When my makeup is absolutely on point, I don’t always even want to take it off before bed. Sometimes when I play around in makeup at night, I just want to stare at myself and the job I’ve done. Nothing is worse than feeling like you haven’t stretched all that makeup out to its full potential before destroying your face and becoming the same old, big pored, baggy-eyed monster you were born to be. This is multiplied by exactly one trillion on Halloween when your makeup is an actual ~look.~ Taking it off means Halloween, and the night are over.
During sex on a normal night, you leave your face on, because you want the person you’re fucking to see you in your best light and also because when you’re drunk, you’re not amazing at taking your makeup off, so you’ll be left with red skin and lots of weird under-eye makeup residue. Not a good look.
Most importantly, the best thing about a Halloween hookup is that you get to hook up with Wonder Woman or a slutty nurse or a vampire, or just…something else. Sure it’s creepy, but maybe it’s creepy hot.
Reasons To Take It Off
But maybe it’s not creepy hot. Maybe it’s creepy creepy. And you run the risk of hooking up with someone without actually knowing what their real face looks like, which could be a bit weird. And if you like it, you may accidentally discover a weird fetish about yourself that you never knew you had.
Worse, makeup doesn’t always stay in place. Think about how much lipstick gets everywhere when you’re kissing someone. Now it’s your whole face with weird paint on it that’s going to get all over their face, and their face paint will be on your face, and both your faces will end up looking like a bad finger painting gone wrong. And your sheets? Forget them. Ruined. Destroyed. Canceled. Giving head is absolutely out of the question, which is normally a good thing for you, except this time they might not be able to reciprocate, and any time someone isn’t going down on me is a sexual encounter I’m not interested in having.
Plus, when you get down to it, you’re going to have to take your makeup off before you pass out anyway. There’s way too much product on your face for overnight, and it’s going to start to feel heavier and heavier on your face the later the night gets.
Verdict
Don’t be responsible. Damn it all to hell. Halloween comes but once a year, so leave your makeup on and fuck festively..
Nice Move183
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
@VeronicaRuckh
@VeronicaRuckh
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veronica@grandex.co
