No one likes going back to class. After weeks of sleeping off well-deserved hangovers and lazy mornings uninterrupted by the spawn of Satan your professor, you might have some difficulty kicking off the new semester. Despite the fact that you now have daily opportunities to show off all the shit your parents bought you for Christmas, you’re probably dreading the return of papers, homework, exams, and early morning lectures. No worries. Use the following rules to drink yourself into oblivion so you can forget your impending workload and eventual academic failure.
1. Drink for every hungover frat boy you see.
2. Chug if he leaves in the middle of class, presumably to puke in the nearest toilet.
3. Drink every time your professor attempts a joke but ends up making an ass out of himself.
4. Drink for every student who is browsing Facebook instead of actually paying attention.
5. Take a shot every time someone’s phone goes off.
6. Take two if it’s yours.
7. Drink every time you check the clock.
8. Drink for every note you take, to reward yourself for being such a model student.
9. Drink every time a freshman asks to go to the bathroom.
10. Chug when you can’t understand a word that your extremely foreign TA says.
11. Drink for every pledge holding five or more clickers for actives who are too lazy or hungover to show up and get attendance points.
12. Take a shot for every student who’s asleep.
13. Drink every time the token know-it-all raises her hand and says something obnoxious.
14. Drink for every spirit jersey and riding boots combination you see.
15. Drink every time you see a guy you’ve drunkenly hooked up with.
16. Keep drinking because that shit is really awkward.
17. Take a shot when somebody blatantly walks out in the middle of class because she hates everything and has given up.
18. Chug when you finally grow a pair and do it yourself..
Nice Move569
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Lucky Jo
Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to lucyjmulvihill@gmail.com.
@Lucky__Jo
@lucyjmulvihill
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