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Insane LSU Sorority Girl Writes Amazingly Cruel Song Verbally Destroying Every Other Chapter On Campus

LSU Sorority Girl

When I was in college, I loved rewriting pop songs to fit my needs. I wrote tons of songs for recruitment with themes surrounding fun and sisterhood, and many more for my friends about being a hot mess and a gold-digger. I wish I could say I was too smart to put them on the Internet, but how else was I supposed to validate myself if not via Facebook “likes?”

Naturally, I have a soft spot for other girls who write these funny jingles, so I was delighted when, in my inbox, appeared a beautiful ballad that verbally decimated all the Panhellenic sororities at LSU. The poster hails the name “DDD” and posted her lyrical genius onto the anonymous college shit-talking forum, Greek Rank, with the title “TRI DELT BOYS BID NIGHT SONG” leading us to believe that this comes from a Tri Delt. Plus, there’s only three girls one sorority in the whole school that isn’t mentioned.

Of course, knowing how anonymous websites go (they are full of liars and impostors who exist solely to make one another look bad because their parents don’t love them), it’s entirely possible that the sisters of Delta Delta Delta are being framed. While there’s no proof that a Tri-Delt wrote this song, someone still wrote it, and it’s the most glorious despicable, hilarious cruel act of Panhellenic hate you’ll ever see. Unless you’re in a sorority, in which case you’ll see tons more. Kidding, I have friends in every chapter on campus.

To the tune of Katy Perry’s “Last Friday Night”:

Running up and down the row,
Out head’s turning as we go,
Look there’s ****ing Alpha Phi
WHO THE **** IS ALPHA PHI?
They don’t even have a house,
Desperation all throughout,
We welcome y’all- all to our row
That’s because we know y’all blow.

Here comes Chi-O-O
God, those Bor-ing Chodes
They Su-uck
Oh well
Every bod-y knows
Hoot and Hollar Blows… It’s NO
Blind Tie.

Last Boys Bid Night
Yeah, We saw those DZ ****s,
They were sucking KA’s nuts
Probably took it in the butt

Last Boys Bid Night
Pi Phi smoked a ton of blunts,
What a bunch of poser ****s,
Dressed in tie dye, what the ****?

Last Boys Bid Night
Theta maxed out all their cards
Eating Pluckers by the bars
There they are, those ****ing lards.

Last Boys Bid Night
Zeta no-ones changed their name
Now we call them ZTA
Oh-oh-ok? (SNAP SNAP)

This Boys Bid night
Do it all again
This Boys Bid night
Do it all again

Stepping up yall’s kappa game
Even though your skit is lame
Got a lazy pledge class
Who only smokes a bunch of grass
Young and Foolish, yah okay
Put your hipster act away
When comes rush, your chapters pale
That was such a ****ing fail

Pretty Girls, Yeah Right
You’re all her-maph-ro-dites
Phu Whooooo
Oh well
With your lions fur
But were pretty sure YOURE IRRELEVANT
Damn

Last Boys Bid night
Delta Gamma didn’t go
Cause they’re used to hearing no
Kiss your anchor, ****ing GO

Last Boys Bid night
Kappa Delta you’re all crazy
Know y’all like it when boys spray
when comes Sunday y’all all pray

Last Boys Bid night
Y’all said we danced on table tops
Will y’all ever ****ing stop?
Y’all will never be on top

This Boys Bid night
Do it all again
(Do it all again)
This Boys Bid night
Do it all again
(Do it all again)
This Boys Bid night

F.U.C.KD
F.U.C.KD
F.U.C.KD
F.U.C.KD
F.U.C.KD

[via Greek Rank]

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Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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