When I was in 8th grade, my boyfriend of two months got a handy from another girl in a movie theatre. Not really a big deal, because middle school relationships mean jack shit and I didn’t even care enough about the guy to learn how to properly pronounce his last name. Still, it hurt, so I told everyone that he was a terrible kisser. The crime met the punishment, and I stand by what I said, even though it wasn’t even a little bit true.
But getting back at a cheating ex is not always the right way to handle the situation. Sometimes the best thing you can do is pull a Khloé Kardashian and get really hot, so you can blast your perfectly toned ass around his friends and make him face palm his way to abstinence and self-loathing. This method is even proven to be more effective than spreading rumors or keying his car, and is definitely more sane than lighting his junk on fire, which is exactly what one vengeful girlfriend did.
I think this lady has been listening to one too many angry Carrie Underwood songs. Someone needs to explain to her the definition of an “empty threat,” because lighting a penis on fire is in no way justifiable, no matter how many times a guy chooses to pork another woman. He’s definitely an asshole for what he did, and I definitely don’t deny that. But if we lived in a world where infidelity was punishable by spontaneous combustion of the crotch, dicks might go extinct, and what would we do then? Not to mention, what if the tables were turned and it was she who lost her head and had a fling? Would it be okay for him to set her vagina ablaze?
Nah. That shit is not cool, and I hope he presses charges. The nail polish remover was enough to make me cringe, and it’s safe to say that I will continue to be horrified by this video all week long. ‘Bout to hit up my ex and remind him what a gem I am for refraining from lighting his body parts on fire after we split. .
[via Elite Daily]
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Lucky Jo
Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to lucyjmulvihill@gmail.com.
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