Every girl likes the idea of a male stripper. Well, until it gets to the part where he just indiscriminately shakes his junk in her face, and frankly, nobody wants that. Don’t get me wrong, I love the D just as much as most of you, but frankly, I like the result of what it does much more than I like looking at it. It’s kind of like not wanting to see how sausage gets made, or Steve Buscemi.
Fortunately for us, now there’s a solution. Enter ManServants.
ManServants is a real service, and they REALLY want to remind you that it’s a real service, conceived by ad executives in San Francisco. The service gives you a really hot guy who will do whatever you say without shaking his sloppy schlong in your face–unless you’re into that, in which case, do you, girl. You tell the service exactly what kind of guy you want, from appearance to his dress code and exactly what you want him to do for (or with) you, and it sends you a hunk to do your bidding.
If only this had existed while “Sex and the City” was still on the air, Samantha Jones would have probably enlisted an army of these hunks to take over the world for her.
Ladies, you can set his dress code, pick your “type,” and you can even name him. I’m thinking…Longinus Sexybottom. As part of the standard service, he will do things like wait on you hand and foot, take photos of you and your #bitches, serve drinks, act as a bodyguard, and “clean up your hot mess.” For an extra fee, you can have him serenade you with a guitar, give him an accent, assign him the “ManServant Tool Belt” which comes with “flats, phone chargers, vanity kits and other (legal) personal items.” You can give him an allowance so he can appear to be taking YOU out to dinner, and he will even chauffeur you around town.
Don’t believe me? Just watch the video.
Aaaaaand I now have a puddle of drool under my computer. Props to this company for using a fake-ish/muzak version of Yoncé’s “Partition,” as well. Apt choice.
The hunks ALSO have a ManServant Code of Conduct, so get ready to melt:
Guys, there’s something here for you, too: Are you hunky and looking for work? You can APPLY to be a ManServant–they’re holding auditions now. However, they REALLY do not want to see your dong:
“As a general footnote, this is not an adult entertainment service. No nudity or illegal activities will be permitted. For the love of all that is good and holy, do not send us naked photographs. Your penis will not get you a job, but a great smile and winning personality will. Do not consider applying if you have ever been called the following: douchebag, sexual offender, sexist, creeper, nutjob, weirdo, or convicted felon.”
The service launches September 1 in San Francisco, but I’m hoping for a much wider launch very soon. And I do mean wide.