Thanksgiving and Christmas are upon us my friends, and that means it’s time to start acting like a good Samaritan to make up for all of the sins your mother can never hear about that you’ve made over the past 11 months. It’s an unwritten rule that it’s that time of the year when you stop saying, “I was going to help you, but then I didn’t want to,” and start saying, “I guess I can give you a dollar.” But the thing is, once November hits, there is a hardcore ongoing national debate about which holiday deserves attention.
You see, there are two kinds of people in the world:
1. “It’s November!!!! Home Alone! N*SYNC Christmas album! Gingerbread cookies! Christmas lights! Mistletoe! Christmas trees! RED AND GREEN EVERYTHING!!!!!!”
2. “OMFG SHUT UP, Christmas isn’t for like another month. You have to celebrate Thanksgiving first, dumbass.”
While half of the country is stoked for Thanksgiving, as we should all be, the other half skips right over the turkey holiday and acts like wannabe-elves. It’s a roller coaster just trying to figure out whether or not starting to celebrate Christmas in November is too early. Should you dress like a pilgrim, Indian, or Santa’s helper when family pictures come around?
Here’s what I think: as long as you celebrate Thanksgiving with as much excitement as Christmas, it’s fine to put on your Santa hats in November. You just have to be one hell of a festive individual to have that much energy to balance out the two holidays at once.
What I’m saying is if you were born here in the greatest country in the world, your pants better be a little snug after Thanksgiving. The holiday only comes once a year, and honestly, who doesn’t love stuffing their face with as much food as possible? Especially when you’re piss drunk and having to explain to your Aunt Heidi why you and your boyfriend broke up. The food (and Pino Grigio) eases the tension of your relatives’ repetitive questions.
In honor of Thanksgiving, commit to your fall color scheme for now, and save the red and green shit for later. Other than that, as for movies, music, and whatever the hell else, do as you please. Your life, your holidays. If you want to start your day with a little Jingle Bell Rock, go for it. Want to wear your favorite Christmas pajamas? Perfect. And while you’re at it, shove gingerbread cookies down your esophagus like you’ll never have one again.
For those who think it is absolutely ridiculous to celebrate Christmas starting in November, just let the Christmas fanatics rejoice. Enjoy your Thanksgiving and ignore people smugly walking down the streets in tacky Christmas sweaters singing “Fa La La La La.” Basically, just say, “fuck it” and get immensely holiday drunk anyways with your cheerful elf-like friends..