Jay-Z and Beyoncé stayed together despite a highly publicized, tumultuous rough patch in their marriage. It’s inspiring. It shows the strength of unconditional love and unconditional money.
Jay and Beyoncé are my favorite celebrity couple. Most famous relationships are shorter than Danny Devito’s dick, but Queen B and Hov have stayed together for 17 years. I crunched the numbers and that’s 4,938 years in celebrity years. That’s a long ass time. When they started dating, Beyoncé was still in Destiny’s Child, Jay was still stabbing record executives and Kanye was still humble (ok, maybe that last one isn’t true.)
As we know, their relationship survived (drum roll please)….. The Becky Era™. It’s a Shakespearian tale that will be passed down for generations. Jay did the unthinkable and he cheated on Beyonce. The world may never know why. Objectively, Beyoncé is the most attractive person on Earth. Even gay men get at least half a chub when they see the “Drunk In Love” music video. Beyoncé is like the sun, if you stare at her you gotta wear sunglasses so you don’t go blind, and even then it’s still dangerous. And Hov had the nerve to cheat on her?!
The backlash was colossal. It started when Solange attacked Jay in an elevator, captured in a security camera video that went on to win the Academy Award for Best Picture. Then Beyoncé eventually dropped Lemonade, the biggest album of 2016, much to the displeasure of my rapping cousin who dropped a mediocre mixtape that same month. Sad.
In Lemonade, she puts her husband on blast for jumping into bed with “Becky with the good hair.” The term “Becky” was solidified as the funniest term to use to refer to white girls. If you named your daughter Becky and she was born after Lemonade was released, you’re an abusive parent.
At the drop of a dime, the entire beehive turned against their leader’s husband. Imagine having a whole nation of women who wanna castrate you with a plastic butter knife. Jay used the depressive guilt to fuel his latest album 4:44, his best CD in 16 years. The title track is a heartfelt, vulnerable apology. Jay won back America’s heart and everything is gravy now.
It’s concrete proof that a real couple can survive anything. As long as they have a combined net worth of a billion dollars. If you have multiple mansions, an army of panda butlers and a private jet made out gold and dead bald eagles, you can escape all the stresses in your relationship.
It’s beautiful. It shows that love is always the answer when you and your partner are a highly marketable, superstar power couple with hundreds of millions of dollars each. It shows that if you and your loved one are both platinum recording artists who are friends with the Obama family and eat lobsters for breakfast when you’re on a budget, you can accomplish anything.
So if you and your loved one are going through a rough patch, don’t give up hope just yet. Because if you guys have 11 self-driving Ferraris and a private island with robot butlers made out of diamonds, you’re gonna be just fine. Love always wins..
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