I probably hate more celebrities than I like, but for whatever reason, I really do enjoy Jessica Simpson. She’s kind of ditzy and kind of sassy and I just really think she’s pretty hilarious in a “God, Karen, you’re so stupid!” way. But for whatever reason, not everyone shares in my love for her. People get on her about her weight, about her love life, about her crazy ass family…the list goes on, really. To her credit, though, despite having literally grown up famous, she hasn’t ever really gone off the deep end like many of her peers. She’s never publicly shaved her head, or gone to rehab, or requested that Drake murder her vagina…so I’d say that overall, she’s done pretty well for herself.
Perhaps my favorite thing about Jessica Simpson (again, other than her hilarious stupidity) is that her “thing” used to be that she loved her some Jesus. She loved Him SO MUCH, in fact, that she waited until she was married to lose her virginity. But then she got divorced…and dated John Mayer…and got pregnant out of wedlock…and these days, well, she’s just posting semi-pornographic images to her very public Instagram.
So many things. 1) She looks awesome. I don’t know when Jessica Simpson morphed into one of the Olsen twins, but Jesus H. Christ, she looks skinny AF. 2) Where is the Red Room? If you’re going to reenact “50 Shades” then you have to include some kinky shit like handcuffs and anal beads. 3) Who the fuck was taking these photos? 4) What does the Bible say about porn? 5) Where do I find a man who looks like that? Good on you, Jessica. Good. On. You. .
Image via YouTube
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Catie Warren
From Rush To Rehab (@catie__warren) is a semi-fuctioning adult who has been celebrating her 21st birthday for the past three years. She attended college in the nation’s capital and to this day is angry that Pit Bull lied to her, as you cannot, in fact, party on The White House lawn. Prior to her success with TSM, Rehab was most famous for being featured in her hometown newspaper regarding her 5th grade Science Fair Project for which she did not place. In her spare time, she enjoys attributing famous historical quotes to Marilyn Monroe and getting in fights with thirteen year olds on twitter. Email: [email protected]
@catie__warren
@catie__warren
